Date: Thu, 24 Feb 94 16:16:04 EST
From: justin@dsd.camb.inmet.com (Mark Waks)
Message-Id: <9402242116.AA21897@dsd.camb.inmet.com>
To: sca@mc.lcs.mit.edu, carolingia@bloom-beacon.mit.edu
Subject: Payment on Demand -- a little light satire for Animaniac SCAdians

The following is mildly nasty, but not *nearly* as nasty as it started
out, this morning. And when a satire wants to come out, nothing in the
world will stop it. So...

The following work is completely fictitious; any resemblance to any
real events, or persons living or on the Board is, of course, strictly
coincidental. And I have this wonderful bridge in New York...

(If you don't watch Animaniacs, you might as well stop right here;
trust me, you won't understand it...)

				-- Justin du Coeur
				   Who doesn't actually believe that the
				     Board is evil or greedy, but who really
				     needs to blow off some ambient anger...


Pinky and the Brain, episode #782: "Payment on Demand"

FADE UP:

	[Pinky is running on his wheel, and Brain staring at the
	blackboard, as usual.]

	Pinky: What are we goin' to do tonight, Brain?

	Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky -- try to take
	over the Known World!

CUT TO:

	[Outside of ACME Labs. Song:]

	[Dum, dum, dum, dah dee dee dum, dum, dum, dum]

	They're Pinky and the Brain,
	They're Pinky and the Brain,
	One is a genius, the other's insane.
	They're members of the Board,
	Spending all we can afford;
	They're dinky, they're Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain!

	[Doodle dee doo de dum!]

OPENING SCREEN:

	Payment on Demand

DISSOLVE TO:

	[Brain is standing in front of his chalkboard; it is covered
	with mathematical formulae, and lots of dollar signs. Pinky
	runs in, brandishing a letter ten times his size.]

	Pinky: BRAIN! BRAIN! Look! Oi got a letter! And it's wonderful news!

	Brain: Not *now*, Pinky. I'm trying to figure out how to finance
	my latest scheme to take over the Known World! All I need is
	two hundred thousand, four hundred and sixty dollars, and I will
	be able to afford my new Event-o-Tron...

	Pinky: But Brain, listen to this:

	[He sets the letter down on the table, jumps on top of it, and
	begins running across it, reading as he goes:]

	Pinky: "Congratulations! You are the latest winner in the latest
	Mouse of Style Sweepstakes!" (Gee! Oi've never won anything before!)
	"You have won this magnificent washer! Just send $723 shipping and
	handling to Mouse of Style by midnight tonight, and it will shipped
	to you immediately!"

	Pinky: Just think, Brain -- my own washer! I've never had a *washer*
	before! I wonder if it will clean behind my ears? *Narf*!

	Brain: Pinky, that's it! Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

	Pinky: Well, I think so, Brain, but won't they notice that it's
	a donkey on the throne?

	Brain: No, Pinky, it's an answer to my financial difficulties!
	We will send a letter to everyone in the Known World, convincing
	them that they are *winners*! And all they have to do to win is
	to send me lots of money. With that money, I will be able to
	purchase a new Event-o-Tron, and use it -- to take over the Known
	World!

CUT TO:

	[Brain in front of the lab computer, jumping from key to key.
	He stops, and says:]

	Brain: Finished! "Congratulations! You are one of the lucky few
	selected to continue participating in the activities of the
	Society for Creative Anachronism! To cash in on this fabulous
	prize, send just $35 (for processing) to: Brain, c/o ACME
	Laboratories, Milpitas, California. Signed, Brain, Chairman
	of the Board, and definitely *not* a mouse attempting to take
	over the SCA."

	Pinky: [Standing on printer] Ooh! Ooh! Can oi be a winner too, Brain?

	Brain: [Beat, looks at camera, then pushes Print button. Letter
	shoots out, knocking Pinky off back of printer.]

CUT TO:

	[Montage of shots as the letters get assembled:]

	[Pinky on top of file cabinet, straining as he lowers Brain down
	to the handle. Brain reaches for handle, raises it -- and the
	door flies open as hundreds of envelopes come pouring out. The
	envelopes hit Brain; cut back to Pinky on top, who gets whipped
	off the cabinet. Thud.]

	[On the copier. Pinky is standing on the autofeeder, holding the
	master copy of the letter; Brain is on the control panel.]

	Brain: Is the letter correctly aligned, Pinky?

	Pinky: Um, yes, oi think so, Brain!

	[Brain jumps onto the Copy button. The autofeeder catches the letter,
	and drags it in -- along with Pinky, who is still holding on. Cut
	to the top of the copier, as copy after copy of Pinky, looking
	slightly squished, start coming out.]

	[Standing on top of an envelope, flap side up. Pinky is at the
	back end, Brain at the front of an enormous bottle with a sponge
	on the end. Both are straining.]

	Brain: Move towards the flap, Pinky! [They do.] Now, lift your
	end, so the water flows into the sponge. Heave!

	[Pinky straightens his arms, so the back end of the bottle is
	now significantly raised. The sponge comes off with a "pop",
	producing a wall of water that washes both of them off the table.]

DISSOLVE TO:

	[A very tired Brain leans against a huge pile of now-sealed
	envelopes. Pinky (bright and cheerful as ever) is next to him.]

	Brain: Now, all we need to do is purchase enough stamps for all
	of the envelopes. We will need $682.29 for postage; I shall go
	retrieve it from the petty cash drawer.

	[He leaves. We stay with Pinky, who begins whistling. He pulls
	out a pair of swimming trunks and begins changing into them; he
	then whips out a life preserver and a little tiny yellow ducky
	(and maybe some other bathing paraphernalia), and begins to
	saunter off-screen. He is halted by:]

	Brain: [racing on] Pinky! There is less than fifty dollars left
	in the petty cash drawer! Someone has stolen all the rest of the
	Laboratory's money!

	Pinky: Oh, no, Brain, nothing like that. Oi needed the money to
	pay for my new washer! [He points, and the camera scans over to
	shiny new washing machine in the corner of the lab.] Would you like
	to join me?

	Brain: [beat] Please wait here a moment, Pinky.

	Pinky: All right.

	[Brain walks off screen, and re-emerges a moment later carrying a
	large envelope. He opens the flap, scoops Pinky into the envelope,
	closes the flap, and starts jumping on the lump in the envelope for
	a couple of seconds (with Pinky making appropriate "Ow! Ooh! Eee!"
	noises). Then he begins to walk off screen again, muttering:]

	Brain: Cashflow. My downfall is cashflow...

	Pinky: [emerging from envelope] Gee, where are you going, Brain?

	Brain: To make plans for tomorrow night.

	Pinky: What are we going to do tomorrow night?

	Brain: The same thing we do every night: [scary lighting] Try
	to take over the Known World!


	They're dinky, they're Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain!

	[doodle dee doo dee dum!]