Message-Id: <19981014213107.19996.rocketmail@send204.yahoomail.com>
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 1998 14:31:07 -0700 (PDT)
From: Anne Washburne <ekmol@yahoo.com>
Subject: EK: Advice for New Folks (long)
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-Poster: Anne Washburne <ekmol@yahoo.com>

Dear Glo (and everyone else who is new!)

First rule:  DON'T PANIC!  

No one expects you to emerge as a full-blown, totally prepared Scadian
at your first event!  Let me try to do what I can to answer your
questions and address your concerns...

> I am VERY new at this but am VERY interested. I am also VERY
>intimidated by the whole process.

This is quite understandable, and believe me we all felt the same way
when we started.  There's a lot to learn.  Don't try to take it in all
at once.  But do give it a try...

>What exactly are the new people to do? Do we just stand around and
try >to figure things out or are we to approach people? This has
>been a major reason I did not try to get involved before now. I am
>personally worried that I will interfer in something so am a little
>hesitant to come around. I am also so full of questions that I feel
>like I can bust!

The best advice I can give to any new person is to try and find _one_
person who has more experience in the Society than you (if you've been
ot no events, that might be someone who has been to one), and ask that
person if they will act as your "tour guide" to your first event. 
Don't worry that you might have to ask a couple of people before you
find one that says yes.

To do that, you will need to approach some people.  You can do it over
the internet, or you can do it in person at a local meeting, but make
this arrangment _before_ you go.

What type of arrangment you make is up to you.  You can travel
together, or arrange to meet there.  You can spend the whole day
together, or just an hour or so at the begining and the end of the
day.  Or you can just talk with this person before the event and ask
what to expect and what to bring (use the event announcment as a place
to start the discussion).

And most importantly ASK QUESTIONS!  If you don't ask, you'll never
know...

>The more I read the less I understand!  :(  

That's pretty common.  I can find as many views on what the SCA is or
is not as I can find books in the library!  Your best bet is to try
and list the questions that you have and then ASK!

>I am going to Huntington NY on the 31st and I am already getting cold
>feet. I am really a shy type of person (until you get to know me then
>LOOK OUT) so I get really tongue tied and start stuttering. I will
>probably scare everyone away.

The SCA is full of shy people.  That's why it is, sometimes, as hard
to find someone to answer your questions as it is to ask them.  Trust
me that you won't scare anyone away.  

I'm not going to Huntington NY anytime soon, but if you want to email
me your questions (email to anastasia@ime.net) I'll do what I can to
answer them...

>Maybe I should wait to go to an event until I know more. 

Nope.  The SCA is a participatory activity.  You'll learn more by
going to one event than you will by reading about us every day for a
year.

>I recieved "New Member's Guide to Activities" by Alyssa Oaktree. It
>helped some but I am still a wreck. Feast gear? OH LORDY!!! What if I
>dont have what is acceptable? And what exactly is acceptable? 

"Feast Gear" is dishes for dinner.  Just about anything is acceptable.
 You'll see everything from plastic cups, bowls and plates to wooden
feast gear to fine china.

Feast Gear basics - A plate.  A bowl.  A plain mug or goblet (like a
wineglass - there are great plastic ones cheap at Wal-mart).  A sharp
knife.  A butter knife.  A fork.  A spoon.  A cloth napkin.  A plain
colored tablecloth.  Some candles for the table, if they're allowed
(check the event announcment).  A bag or basket to carry all this in. 
A plastic bag (like a garbage bag) to get your dirty dishes home in
(often you can rinse your dishes at an event, but they'll still need a
proper wash).

NO ONE is going to come up to you and say "My Lady, I'm sorry but you
can't eat the feast.  Your table setting is not acceptable".  I
promise.  
 
>I guess what worries me the most is being shut out as I was when I
went >to an event several years ago. I was completely ignored and we
were >basically shuned. I am hoping the years and different folks (all
yous) >will make >this a much better experience. Maybe I'll give it
another >try. Could somebody adopt me?  :)

I'm sorry you had a bad experience at your first event.  But recall
what I said about "shy" above?  You'll most often need to make the
first move.  

And perceptions can be very different some times...

On another list I'm on, a lady out west recently described the
difference in perception between a group of "old-timers" and some "new
folks".  The new folks said that they attended, as a group, their
first event.  They "tried to stay out of the way" and be
"unobtrusive".  They said that they, too, felt "ignored" and
"unwelcome".

The lady whom they told this too was concerned, so contacted some
others who had attended the (small) event.  Those "old timers"
remembered the group well.  They said that they _wanted_ to go up and
ask the new folks to join in the dancing, but that the new folks had
spent most of the day sitting quietly in the corner, speaking to no
one (not even conversation among themselves).  They looked "glum" and
"never smiled" and looked rather as though they had been dragged to
the event against their will.

Now, I'm sure what happened was this - the new folks, wanting to "stay
out of the way" didn't approach any of the old timers.  And the old
timers, wanting to be respectful of personal space and having no way
of knowing that the new folks were indeed new, didn't approach the new
folks.  So the new folks became unhappy.  And they looked unhappy. 
And the more unhappy they looked, the less the old timers wanted to go
up and "intrude"....

I'm in no way saying that this is what happened at your first event,
but I'm sure you can see what happened to the folks in the story
above.  No one was willing to make the first move.

Be the brave one.  Make the first move.  Ask questions.  Go up to
people.  Strike up conversations.  Join in the dancing.  Talk to
merchants.  Tell everyone you meet "I'm new!" and I promise that by
the time the day is done you'll have more new friends/teachers than
you ever imagined!

Anastasia
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