SPAM Haiku 18001-18100

Move backwards to Numbers 17901-18000.


18001.
For my love's birthday
present, I hid a SPAM loaf
in her shoe. Surprise!!!
--Fozzie

18002.
I once was hungry
Then I found the soft pink block
Thus I stayed hungry

--Enoch Jones, MEJ119@hotmail.com

18003.
"Quid est hoc?" "SPAM est!"
Latin 101 nerds in
Cafeteria.

--Nyr Indictor

18004.
Meat-flavored ice cream,
Italian-style: that would be
Known as SPAMoni.

--Nyr Indictor

18005.
Hassidic Jews say
No to pork products--is this
AntiSPAMitic?

--Nyr Indictor

18006.
The Louvre acquires
Pork sculpture: Winged Victory
Of (groan) SPAMothrace.

--Nyr Indictor

18007.
Porky Pig deceased--
Memorial tomorrow
At SPAMetary.

--Nyr Indictor

18008.
Cartographer in
Looking-glass: "Oh no! All my
MAPS turned into SPAM!"

--Nyr Indictor

18009.
Czar Nicholas tries
Pork-flavored tea--served, of course,
In gilt SPAMovar.

--Nyr Indictor

18010.
Always ready with
A can of tinned meat: it's the
Good SPAMaritan.

--Nyr Indictor

18011.
Today the baby
Ate meat for the first time. Phew!
Change the SPAMpers, please.

--Nyr Indictor

18012.
Ham Sawyer, Muck Finn
Both by Pork Twain--"pen" name of
SPAMuel Clemens.

--Nyr Indictor

18013.
Fermented SPAM juice
"White lightnin' sure tastes good." Yeah.
But try SPAM liquor.

--John Byer

18014.
Three more for the ton.
I'm not counting of course. No?
Milford's still the man.

--John Byer

18015.
Foot and mouth disease,
swine fever. No easy life.
Then turned into SPAM.

--John Byer

18016.
SPAM lives forever
in arteries and blood cells
all over the world.

--edrieSF, difalstad@aol.com

18017.
Dubya, he's our man,
his thinking resembles pink
pig parts in a can.

--Fwed

18018.
quivering lumplets
proud symbol of our nation
serve your country--eat!

--Anonymous

18019.
tres cajas de SPAM
recycle cans, toss the rest
lo aprovecho

--Anonymous

18020.
Pukey SPAM dinner.
Better than starving, Dad says.
Careless fatherhood.

--Anonymous

18021.
Fiery ritual
SPAM burns up with thick black smoke
Devil worshippers

--Anonymous

18022.
Nasty greasy blob
Hellish damnation is near
Forgive me father

--Anonymous

18023.
San Francisco treat
Goodbye now, Rice-a-Roni
SPAM is here to stay

--Anonymous

18024.
Wasted tax dollars
We paid for stadium, but
"SPAM Field" is bad name

--Anonymous

18025.
Halloween SPAM scene
Now don't scare the children, dear!
Quick, hide the blue cans!

--Anonymous

18026.
Morticians are smart.
Extra money on the side.
Where does SPAM come from?

--Anonymous

18027.
First big bite of SPAM.
Taste is somewhat off-putting.
Enbalming fluid.

--Anonymous

18028.
Body snatchers? Ick!!!
It's a grave undertaking.
But, we need our SPAM.

--Anonymous

18029.
Felt like Grinch this year.
Christmas shopping drives me nuts.
Gave them SPAM instead.

--Anonymous

18030.
Thay have no real choice.
School lunch eaters now barfing.
Lunch ladies cackle!

--Anonymous

18031.
Brother hated SPAM.
Twenty years later, we laugh;
dried SPAM found in vase.

--Anonymous

18032.
Forgive me, Father.
There is no salvation now.
I have eaten SPAM.

--Anonymous

18033.
SPAM sales skyrocket!
Biotechnology pays;
human genes in pigs.

--Anonymous

18034.
Sure, GMOs suck;
but SPAM is Frankenfood, too.
Progress can't be stopped!

--Anonymous

18035.
SPAM at church picnic.
Caustic taste in back of throat;
Gastric juices rise.

--Anonymous

18036.
If you don't eat your
meat, how can you have any
pudding?--Pink Floyd song.

--Anonymous

18037.
I have invented
a word: SPAMtismal. Only
I know its meaning.

--fozzie

18038.
"Johnny witnessed the
SPAMtismal." Don't you wish that
you knew what that meant?

--Fozzie

18039.
Jellied pink meat sponge
Many uses, not for food
Heloise has hints!

--SPAMtastic Four

18040.
Sitting on my shelf
Daring me to eat it--yuck!
Canned menudo gel!

--John Wilson, mrbatman@earthlink.net

18041.
Florida sharks bite
Surfers on boards get attacked
SPAM on a shingle

--Anonymous

18042.
With fresh oil-based SPAM,
I shaved my sweet wife tonight.
Which one shall I eat?

--Mr. Onadietsu

18043.
The letters in SPAM,
When re-arranged, spell A MAP.
Now drive to Safeway.

--Geography-sensei

18044.
Bite into the SPAM.
Your taste buds do not fool you--
Rainstorm on the way.

--Katsu Onara

18045.
Cologne on each cheek;
Piece of SPAM under each arm
It's time to bar-hop.

--Hygiene Gal

18046.
Gull alights on pond
To drop SPAM to starving fish.
Warm winter ensues.

--Fish Story Guy

18047.
"Where the hell's my SPAM?"
You asked that cold winter night.
"Beats me," I replied.

--Robert Frost IV

18048.
Spring grass pushes up.
SPAM inserted into cans.
Our earth will survive.

--Optimistic Mystic

18049.
Your SPAM cost money.
On 40th Street, Phoenix,
Sits Hormel's big house.

--The Ghost of Barry Goldwater

18050.
Large dark clouds rolled in.
Sheets of water then fell down.
Can of SPAM now rusts.

--Burst o' rain

18051.
Most delicacies
Tickle your mouth in summer.
Go down on my SPAM.

--Hugh H.

18052.
Slice a loaf of SPAM
Into many tiny sheets.
You've got moist towelettes.

--Miss Manners's Assistant

18053.
Eat SPAM and drink milk.
Your 10K is tomorrow.
Lose and I'll leave you.

--Fitness Chick

18054.
It's time to translate.
SPAM in Latin is SPAMUS.
Second declension.

--Mr. Chips

18055.
Doggie ate the SPAM.
Shortly thereafter out back
Lawn got fertilized.

--James Whitmore

18056.
It's time, my children.
Fill the time capsule with SPAM.
Confuse the future.

--H. G. Wells

18057.
If it itches, scratch.
But do not try this with SPAM.
Mushy fingernails.

--Revlon rep

18058.
Mount Fuji rises
Close to Fujinomiya.
So does my SPAM cake.

--Bruce Ano-nee

18059.
Here's a nice tidbit:
Sylvia Plath once ate SPAM.
But then what happened?

--e. e. SPAMmings

18060.
SPAM in a blender
Makes for a tasty mouthwash.
Whatcha waitin' for?

--Bass-O-Matic

18061.
In chemistry class
On the periodic chart
SPAM does not appear.

--H. Too Ohtoo

18062.
Had the Achaeans
Used SPAM instead of a horse,
Troy'd still be standing.

--Hank Schliemann, Berlin

18063.
SPAM or some fat dude?
Certainly you must eat one.
I would chose rump roast.

--Chef Larry

18064.
Look! Little kid Gauss!
One over x dx is...?
The answer ain't SPAM.

--Math Wizard, Cal Tech (Pasadena, CA)

18065.
If all SPAM were air,
Your aorta would get clogged.
Now that's a real bitch!

--Mike DeBakey, M.D.

18066.
She washes my back
With warm water and soft soap
On a big SPAM sponge.

--Mr. I. Voree

18067.
If my kite were SPAM
And I took Anne to the beach,
The kite would not fly.

--Neil Armstrong (Ohio)

18068.
Black coals heat the grill;
Moist SPAM-and-tofu kabobs;
I am in heaven.

--Troy Donahue, Surfside 6 (Miami Beach, FL)

18069.
Pam ate SPAM in Spain
And then she ran with the bulls.
Pam was gored and died.

--Muriel H. (Ketchum, ID)

18070.
Unexamined SPAM--
Within The Cave or without--
Is not worth eating.

--Chuck Peirce (Milford, PA)

18071.
The volcano spews.
Down come rivers of hot SPAM.
Run, run for your lives.

--Helena Aetna (on the road)

18072.
SPAM is everywhere.
Winter, Spring, Summer, or Fall.
It's available.

--Eddie Basha (Phoenix, AZ)

18073.
Burp, fart, sneeze, eat SPAM--
If all at once these you do--
You meet your Maker.

--Martin Calvin, M.Div. (itinerate evangelist)

18074.
Islet cell cancer--
Quite hard to cure with chemo.
SPAM won't work either.

--Anonymous (physician at NIH in Bethesda, MD)

18075.
Il Duce just read
The SPAM of Miss Jean Brodie.
Yes, SPAM betrayed her.

--Eudora Updike (reporting from Milan)

18076.
A very long trek
Through rain forests in Brazil
Means SPAM for dinner.

--J. E. W. M. (Firth of Forth)

18077.
Were SPAM dynamite,
Terrorists would snap it up
Quickly from the shelves.

--Yessir Ibefat

18078.
My ears don't deceive--
An icicle cracked loudly.
SPAM sure can't do that.

--Inge Rolfsdattir (Reykjavik, Iceland)

18079.
The fireworks explode
In sky on warm summer night.
My head rests on SPAM.

--J. P. Sousa

18080.
Your open mouth screams
When angel of death draws near.
SPAM shoved in--you die.

--J. Kevorkian (Upper Peninsula, MI)

18081.
Football season's here.
Autumn leaves...changing colors.
We barbecue SPAM.

--K. Rockne (South Bend, IN)

18082.
Yes, tranquility.
Soft rain moistens my poodle
While she chases SPAM.

--Dog and SPAM lover

18083.
Yelled from the rooftop,
Your cry for help did move me...
Like SPAM does my bowels.

--Empathetic Soul

18084.
Gangrene on my SPAM
Does not scare me like you'd think.
But hemorrhoids would.

--Gary "Itch" Masters

18085.
SPAM: FDA says
It's not their jurisdiction;
It's not really food.

--flem

18086.
When they grind up pigs,
I wonder as I swallow,
Do they wash them first?

--flem

18087.
I've had pork before;
Eating SPAM makes me wonder
"What the hell is this?"

--flem

18088.
Very suspicious.
SPAM served at PETA banquet.
I think I know why...

--flem

18089.
Snickering pig gasps,
"Humans think it's made of meat!"
Rolls on floor laughing.

--flem

18090.
"Stop sending us SPAM!
We'd rather face starvation!
Yours truly, Third World."

--flem

18091.
Mad Scientist posts:
"SPAM will make your penis grow."
Sadistic laughter.

--flem

18092.
Here's yet another
Rejected Hormel ad plan:
"The other pink meat"

--flem

18093.
Sad red-breasted breams
In warm sun-drenched oceans swim,
Longing to taste SPAM.

--Bill W. in Key West, Florida

18094.
Five syllables here
And seven syllables there
Make a SPAM haiku.

--Susie, a poet and screenwriter

18095.
The rich want bigger
yachts. "No prob", says Dubya, "Let's
steal SPAM from seniors!"

--Milford Pigboy

18096.
Winter's snow melted,
Revealing my outside grill.
SPAM season is here.

--guy in Homer, Alaska

18097.
Like a wild stallion
Free to run with joy his hills,
Ride my big, strong SPAM.

--Jake

18098.
Can you hear and feel
The hum of hummingbird wings
Flapping in the SPAM?

--Robin Blackwell (UK)

18099.
Some Dom Perignon
SPAM in a Bar-B-Q sauce
The best of both worlds

--Wild T.

18100.
Good Tao and Karma
Conform to simplicity
If SPAM's the tantra.

--Wau-tzu Lai


Move forwards to Numbers 18101-18200.
Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.