SPAM Haiku 3401-3500

Move backwards to Numbers 3301-3400.

3401.
1992.
Serbs serve Muslim prisoners
cold SPAM on a stick.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3402.
1996.
Cold SPAM on a stick is found
to be a war crime.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3403.
"Hey, Rocky! Watch me
pull a SPAM out of my hat."
"Again?" "Eww, slimy."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3404.
After centuries,
Tokugawa Empire ends--
Perry brought them SPAM.

--Brian Beakley, cfbxb@ux1.cts.eiu.edu

3405.
Fed meat product to
Japanese warriors; got
Deadly SPAMurai.

--Brian Beakley, cfbxb@ux1.cts.eiu.edu

3406.
SPAM bacon, sausage
and SPAM and eggs and sausage,
SPAM and eggs and SPAM

--Anonymous

3407.
To die as SPAM loaf
I'd die hungry and unloved,
death threats in my can.

--Marrisa Mitchell, marmit@midwest.net

3408.
Translated "Descartes"
Into English, reversed; it's
"SPAM EMOS," I think.

--Brian Beakley, cfbxb@ux1.cts.eiu.edu

3409.
No evil demon
Could undermine this proof: I
Think, therefore I SPAM.

--Brian Beakley, cfbxb@ux1.cts.eiu.edu

3410.
Leibniz postulates
Pre-established Hormel meat;
All is for the best...

--Brian Beakley, cfbxb@ux1.cts.eiu.edu

3411.
Bishop Berkeley says:
Even when we don't taste SPAM,
God is tasting it.

--Brian Beakley, cfbxb@ux1.cts.eiu.edu

3412.
Fear and Trembling, SPAM
Either/Or that canned sausage.
Kirkegaard knew all.

--Frank T. King, franktik@oregoncoast.com

3413.
The movie star, Babe,
will some day go where Wilber
did--in cans of SPAM.

--Fifteen Minutes

3414.
I quiver like SPAM
we are naked in public
o sweet paradise

--jim rodgers

3415.
SPAM disgusting thing
alien lifeform sent to
render Earth helpless

--Anonymous

3416.
SPAM: disgusting, quiv-
ering. Might be toxic or
maybe worse than that.

--Anonymous

3417.
SPAM calls out to me
Joyous choirs do sing for it
Refused temptation

--Anonymous

3418.
Miners scrape lunch meat
From the bowels of the earth. How
Pink Was My Valley.

--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com

3419.
Put SPAM on a leash
It is better than a dog
Housetrained, lasts longer

--Anonymous

3420.
opening the can
inhaling the aroma
feeding my cat spam

--Anonymous

3421.
SPAM is found in street
Strays, vagrants, even police
Attempt to avoid

--Derek Klumper, klumper@worthington.mn.frontiercomm.net

3422.
SPAM and Pam in pan:
"Baywatch" star Anderson says,
"Get me outta here!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3423.
Too much SPAM can cause
General Protection Faults
of the intestines.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3424.
Bhagavad Gita:
"Now I am become SPAM, the
destroyer of meals."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3425.
On the grassy knoll,
Abraham Zapruder said,
"Ugh! Looks just like SPAM!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3426.
Wow, I must admit
that was pretty tasteless. Oh,
well. So sue my ass.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3427.
Now the Cinema
section of the Archive has
that italics bug.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3428.
If Kate Moss were to
eat just SPAM for a whole year,
she would gain three pounds.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3429.
The Post Office comes
out with new SPAM-flavored stamps.
FedEx business zooms.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3430.
"Pol Pot is dying."
"Hormel pulls SPAM from market."
Which news is better?

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3431.
Oh delightful treat
So pink, slimy, and shiny
Makes my taste buds sing

--Anonymous

3432.
Thinking about SPAM
Puts me in a somber mood
For I'm almost out

--Anonymous

3433.
Put SPAM in a blen-
der and throw in curdled milk:
A delicious shake!

--Anonymous

3434.
Cut SPAM into cubes
Paste them on your best dress suit
Edible fashion

--Anonymous

3435.
"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "SPAM."
"SPAM who?" I then reply. "SPAM
enchanted evening."

--Anonymous

3436.
Wiggly mass of life
You can teach us all so much
SPAM enlightenment

--Anonymous

3437.
SPAM rolling down stairs
Makes a jiggle-plop-plop noise
At the bottom, "SPLAT!"

--Anonymous

3438.
Santa Claus likes SPAM
He'll put it in your stocking
Leave some out for him

--Anonymous

3439.
SPAM is life itself.
Evolution started here,
In a can of SPAM.

--Anonymous

3440.
Put some SPAM under
Your pillow. The SPAM fairy
Will leave you a buck.

--Anonymous

3441.
I would like to see
MacSPAM made at MacDonalds.
Not to eat, just see.

--Anonymous

3442.
The SPAM diet plan:
Half a can of SPAM a day.
You will lose 10 pounds.

--Anonymous

3443.
When I think of SPAM
A tear wells in my eyeball.
Then I go eat some.

--Anonymous

3444.
MAN KILLED BY A CAN
OF SPAM! Zealous SPAM-fan ate
It in the tin can.

--Anonymous

3445.
SPAM falls in a for-
est. No one is there to hear.
Does it make a sound?

--Anonymous

3446.
spam is so fluffy
like lots of aardvarks running
oh how i love spam

--Elvis Flowergarden

3447.
Silken pig tofu
The color of spanked buttocks
Blushing at my knife

--John Mitchell

3448.
SPAM cooked in the woods
Its odor making crouched bears
Shit with excitement!

--John Mitchell

3449.
Slaughterhouse product
The screams of a thousand pigs
Silent within you

--John Mitchell

3450.
SPAM needs no chewing
It slides like fish down the throat
Of a cormorant

--John Mitchell

3451.
Pink pork pretender
No curing, no cloves, no couth
The whore of Hamdom!

--John Mitchell

3452.
Broken shopping bag
A SPAM can sits on wet streets
Doubly pathetic

--John Mitchell

3453.
Poor man's boneless ham
Pig-part pudding of paupers
Doctors call you "rich"

--John Mitchell

3454.
Meaty monolith
Suddenly subdivided
I share you with friends

--John Mitchell

3455.
The flavor of SPAM
Is that of many pig snouts.
I turn up my nose.

--John Mitchell

3456.
Locked in its dark can,
SPAM ponders its existence.
Then suddenly--light!

--John Mitchell

3457.
When I called for SPAM,
It answered, "Call me Legion,
For I am many."

--John Mitchell

3458.
Such pleasing fragrance
From pigs that died years ago!
What rosy color!

--John Mitchell

3459.
Quickly slips the can
Gliding 'cross the floor--spilled SPAM!
My dog licks his chops.

--John Mitchell

3460.
Supple pink pork-child
Rise from your cold can cradle
And play on my tongue!

--John Mitchell

3461.
Slice of sizzling joy
Teaching me simplicity
Henceforth I hate haute

--John Mitchell

3462.
SPAM, too, needs a wife.
What consort for my Pork Prince?
Ah! The Velveeta!

--John Mitchell

3463.
It was our last date
She wanted See's; I gave SPAM
What a thankless bitch!

--John Mitchell

3464.
Steroidal Pig Mash,
Sometimes I think you are more
Hormone than Hormel.

--John Mitchell

3465.
This versatile meat
Can be hollowed for a treat
Wham bam thank you SPAM!

--John Mitchell

3466.
Like a new piglet
Slick with slime, SPAM emerges
Making sucking sounds.

--John Mitchell

3467.
The SPAM is all gone
So flies my muse, leaving me
Empty as this can.

--John Mitchell

3468.
Near the Queen's table
The SPAM, still uninvited,
Sits cold and slighted.

--John Mitchell

3469.
Cursing from the pan
Growing hotter each second
Now spitting at me

--John Mitchell

3470.
In mud you frolicked
Till they cut, cleaned and canned you.
How now, thou ground sow?

--John Mitchell

3471.
Like a fine paté
This amalgamated meat
That will not turn gray.

--John Mitchell

3472.
For far humbler foods
Children elsewhere are starving.
Eat your SPAM, you brat!

--John Mitchell

3473.
In the factory,
For fallen morsels of SPAM
I vie with vermin.

--John Mitchell

3474.
A taste oasis
Tinged like setting sun on sand
Food fit for Pharaoh!

--John Mitchell

3475.
They say in England,
Cows go mad from eating meat.
"Some more SPAM, Bossy?"

--John Mitchell

3476.
You leave the table
So offended by my meal.
Come back, little fly!

--John Mitchell

3477.
Young SPAMherazade
The Sultan of SPAMarkand
Arabian SPAM

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3478.
Dickens ate no SPAM
Never was the best of SPAM
Was the worst of SPAM

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3479.
New film, SPAMler's List
Amon Goeth not the bad guy
But SPAM was instead

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3480.
Dustin Hoffman's film,
Outbreak, not about virus,
About death by SPAM!

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3481.
Sly and Banderas
In their film called Assassins
No guns: they used SPAM

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3482.
Captain William Bligh,
Mutiny on the Bounty.
He fed his crew SPAM.

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3483.
Chicago ballad
"If She Would Have Been Faithful"
You fed her SPAM, dope!

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3484.
Tom Cruise's Mission:
Should he choose to accept it
Eliminate SPAM.

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3485.
Val Kilmer movie
Pink chunks with tights in Gotham
SPAMman Forever

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3486.
Jim Carrey's The Mask:
Prosthesis made of squished SPAM.
Moviegoers spew.

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3487.
Shakespeare's Danish prince,
The true king of Elsinore.
His name was SPAMlet.

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3488.
House made out of SPAM
Flexible during earthquakes
Minimal damage

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3489.
Quiz Show parting gift
Charles Van Doren was not pleased.
New invention: SPAM.

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3490.
Sixties slow dance tune,
"Bridge Over Troubled Waters":
SPAM in gastric juice.

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3491.
In the film, Tombstone,
Wyatt fed the bad guys SPAM.
Mass execution.

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3492.
Richard Marx love song,
"Right Here Waiting"--for you to
Hurl the SPAM you ate.

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3493.
Star Trek TNG
Data says, "It's SPAM, Captain."
Warp speed in reverse.

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3494.
Dead Man Walking: film
About death row. Inhumane
Death: Make them eat SPAM.

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3495.
Much Ado About
Nothing--the truth about all
The hype over SPAM.

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3496.
Steven King novels,
Nothing about Killer SPAM?
Come on! Get with it!

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3497.
More problems at school.
The lunch ladies feed us SPAM.
Hire some more nurses.

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3498.
What is SPAM made of?
Sinps, snails, or puppy dog tails?
No, bits of pig butt.

--Anonymous

3499.
SPAM on computer
Takes away all of your RAM
Gives hard drive heartburn

--Anonymous

3500.
Twister hits Hormel
Plant. SPAM sucked into funnel.
Pink cloud devastates.

--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com