SPAM Haiku 3501-3600

Move backwards to Numbers 3401-3500.

3501.
Barracks, shower rooms,
Smell of gas. Sign over gate:
"Ersatz Fleisch Macht Frei!"

--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com

3502.
oh meat-like morsel
so uniform and saline
do you dream of teeth?

--david.hamilton@jhuapl.edu

3503.
if there's but one bite
left on my little island
let it be my spam

--david.hamilton@jhuapl.edu

3504.
of pork lips and ears
you are made with other parts
perfectly cubic

--david.hamilton@jhuapl.edu

3505.
are you so fatty?
coronary inducing?
still you call to me

--david.hamilton@jhuapl.edu

3506.
be mine my tidbit
though the many may crave you
let them eat scrapple

--david.hamilton@jhuapl.edu

3507.
no other faux food
as good coming up as down
could sate my mild urge

--david.hamilton@jhuapl.edu

3508.
if I must always
for gluttony be so damned
spam be my one sin

--david.hamilton@jhuapl.edu

3509.
alas I must work
though i dream of you swallowed
but not digested

--david.hamilton@jhuapl.edu

3510.
Salty pink SPAM slabs
Splatter grease from frying pan
Suicidal snack

--koji@genetics.utah.edu

3511.
Greasy porcine corpse
stewed in brine, encased in steel
Hormel-icious hell

--koji@genetics.utah.edu

3512.
greenish and sweating
the empty blue can laughing
as I retch again

--koji@genetics.utah.edu

3513.
Pork philosophy:
I eat SPAM, therefore I am.
What, then, of Descartes?

--Jerry Missel, 72773.1577@compuserve.com

3514.
Salty stubborn pig
Clings to walls with Jell-O hooves
It is hard to eat

--koji@genetics.utah.edu

3515.
SPAM is a woman
It's firm, it's juicy, it's fun
No one knows but me

--Matt Frederickson

3516.
Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam
Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam-a-ram
Woogah, woogah, woo

--Matt Frederickson

3517.
SPAM is my hero
It's an aphrodisiac
It fills me with joy

--Matt Frederickson

3518.
SPAM makes you break out
It goes well with pineapples
And is addicting

--Matt Frederickson

3519.
Mmm, yum yum yummy
Slorpee slorp, slorpee slorp slorp
That sounded like SPAM

--Matt Frederickson

3520.
Frontiers of new math:
What is the square root of SPAM?
Trans-fatty result.

--Jerry Missel, 72773.1577@compuserve.com

3521.
SPAM--the missing link?
Darwin says it must be so.
The Ascent of SPAM.

--Jerry Missel, 72773.1577@compuserve.com

3522.
SPAM with refried beans.
Pat Buchanan's luncheon feast?
Run for the border.

--Jerry Missel, 72773.1577@compuserve.com

3523.
The programmer's rule
says garbage in, garbage out.
Can't match SPAM's throughput.

--Jerry Missel, 72773.1577@compuserve.com

3524.
Salad sensation?
My menu says "Hearts of SPAM."
Lunch may have to wait.

--Jerry Missel, 72773.1577@compuserve.com

3525.
Pork-part ingestion
must lead to inSPAMity.
Make the SPAMness stop.

--Jerry Missel, 72773.1577@compuserve.com

3526.
What shall we feed to
a drunken sailor er-lye
in the morning? SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3527.
Max Bialystock
produces the Broadway flop
Springtime for Hormel.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3528.
Is anything as
dangerous as eating SPAM?
Flying ValuJet.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3529.
Reds owner Marge Schott
opines that "SPAM starts out good,
but it goes too far."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3530.
Jimmy the Greek says,
"What makes black linebackers tough?
SPAM in their diet!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3531.
In The Taking of
Pelham One Two Three, the head
crook was "Mr. Pink."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3532.
The H-Bomb contains
Lithium-6 deuteride
and a pinch of SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3533.
If the porcine muse
deserts me, where can I go?
Treet Haiku Archive!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3534.
Fifty-year-old SPAM
can be eaten, and it tastes
just as good as new.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3535.
Keep in mind that "just
as good as new," said of SPAM,
isn't saying much.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3536.
Frosty SPAM milkshake
makes my loins crazy all day.
Nymphomania!

--Arch Angel

3537.
Flames licking the sides
turning pink into charred black.
Carcinogenic.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3538.
Served raw on white bread
or heated using Sterno.
Too many choices.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3539.
Taunting dares by friends.
Not wanting to seem chicken
he eats the SPAM gel.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3540.
A challenger comes
cloaked in tin like its rival.
Dinty Moore will fall.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3541.
A campfire waning.
The moon and stars light the night.
Some SPAM gas is passed.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3542.
A full moon shines bright.
A lone wolf howls in the night.
SPAM's revenge: no sleep.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3543.
A bright orange glow
from a house in the distance.
SPAM left on the stove.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3544.
"Use all but the oink!"
"Can it and color it pink!"
Marketing genius.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3545.
In one end go pigs,
out the other end comes SPAM.
It's a mystery.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3546.
In one end go pigs,
out the other end comes SPAM.
The secret is kept.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3547.
SPAM gel on the floor:
Can opened haphazardly.
A near fatal fall.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3548.
A young pig is born--
a life full of potential.
Cut short by Hormel.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3549.
Natives amazed by
the canned mystery called SPAM.
A race is wiped out.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3550.
SPAM on soft white bread
gulped down with Kool-Aid or Tang.
Food that came from where?

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3551.
Awakened at night.
Cold sweat. Dreams of screaming pigs.
SPAM farmer repents.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3552.
Health food store owner
sneaks out for a bite of SPAM.
He never looks back.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3553.
A dog walks the street.
Sniffs an empty can of SPAM
and wonders. Humans...

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3554.
A business dinner.
Unknowing wife serves up SPAM.
The contract is lost.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3555.
3 AM awake,
Fingers fumble with the key.
Canned meat addiction.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3556.
A glance in the bowl.
Similar smell and color.
The cycle of SPAM.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3557.
A choice: SPAM or fruit?
The can with the key beckons.
A life is cut short.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3558.
A man sits depressed.
A lone tear rolls down his face.
The key has broken.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3559.
Murder and mayhem.
Broke the key making dinner.
Postal worker's day.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3560.
Listen to Pink Floyd
while reading Spamku archive.
You will be inspired.

--The Lunatic on the Grass

3561.
On the Run, oh my.
Here today, SPAM tomorrow.
Ha Ha ha Ha HA.

--The Lunatic on the Grass

3562.
Treet, Treet and SPAM, SPAM,
And who knows which is which and
Who is who? Up, down.

--The Lunatic on the Grass

3563.
For want of the price
of a tea and a slice of
SPAM the old man died.

--The Lunatic on the Grass

3564.
SPAM, it's divine food.
From God's heavenly toilet
To your earthly ears.

--Spam, Mr. Spam

3565.
Butcher, raise the blade.
You make the change, rear-
range me 'til I am SPAM.

--The Lunatic on the Grass

3566.
SPAM. It cannot be
helped but there's a lot of it
about. With, without.

--The Lunatic on the Grass

3567.
Pink meat in a can
Shimmer of processed lipids
Smear on whole wheat toast

--Anonymous

3568.
SPAM with Pam non-stick:
spontaneous combustion.
Quick, put out grease fire.

--Anonymous

3569.
SPAM runs 'round my head
It jumps in and out my ears
Oh, God! Keep it out!

--Friend of Parnell

3570.
I am going nuts!
Oh, stop the imSPAMity!
I vomit once more.

--Friend of Parnell

3571.
A conspiracy!
The government is of SPAM!
Flee! Flee for your lives!

--Friend of Parnell

3572.
I know a secret
SPAM is not of ham and pork
It is of reindeer

--Friend of Parnell

3573.
One itty-bitty
Two itty-bitty SPAMlets
Mommy, SPAM had twins

--Friend of Parnell

3574.
SPAM makes me angry
I fling it against the wall
Now I feel better

--Friend of Parnell

3575.
Today is the day
SPAM will take over the world
The planet is screwed

--Friend of Parnell

3576.
I saw SPAM in the
Dictionary. It's Latin
For "artificial."

--Friend of Parnell

3577.
In conjunction with
Pork and ham leftovers, we
Will now present SPAM.

--Friend of Parnell

3578.
Cost-saving measure--
SPAM fed to those in prison.
Crime comes to a halt!

--Anonymous

3579.
Attention all cars!
Serial killer is loose!
Call him "Son of Spam."

--Anonymous

3580.
Vacuum packed pink brick
Porcine congelatin meal
Salty SPAM juices

--Dprecourt@Gnn.com

3581.
Navy breakfast meat
O salty sailor sustain
Release and nourish

--Dprecourt@Gnn.com

3582.
Unseal and release
Meat suction yearns to be free
Slices for each now

--Dprecourt@Gnn.com

3583.
SPAM in Vietnam
It is a delicacy
But so are small dogs

--Anonymous

3584.
Haiku Analyst,
John Cho. SPAM Psychiatrist.
You are my Pink Freud.

--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com

3585.
Mike: "It's SPAM Haiku."
Tom: "Who in their right mind would
Eat it?" Crow: "Bite me!"

--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com

3586.
The Porky Horror
Picture Show: "Dammit, Janet,
I love SPAM!" "Oh, Brad!"

--The Lunatic On the Grass

3587.
Doc Pork N. Furter:
I can see you shiver with
Spamtici...pation!

--The Lunatic On the Grass

3588.
I didn't have rice
in my home, so I threw SPAM.
Why did they hurt me?

--The Lunatic On the Grass

3589.
"Most-favored nation"?
Little do the Chinese know
This means lots of SPAM.

--Bob Greiner, greinerb@washpost.com

3590.
Movie trailer shows
SPAM--Mission: Inedible.
Audience riots.

--Bob Greiner, greinerb@washpost.com

3591.
Baseballers puzzled.
Why do pitchers stink so much?
Pregame: Wolfing SPAM.

--Bob Greiner, greinerb@washpost.com

3592.
Bat hits baseball: SMACK!
It drops in like a ham hock.
New slang: "can of spam."

--Bob Greiner, greinerb@washpost.com

3593.
"What's for lunch, Wilma?"
"Spamasaurus sandwiches."
"Yabba-dabba-don't!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3594.
Hawaii Five-O.
Wo Fat ships pink contraband.
Be there. Aloha.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3595.
SPAM is to food what
REO Speedwagon was
to rock and roll bands.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3596.
Ernest Hemingway
wrote of SPAM's horrors in his
A Farewell to Hooves.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3597.
Ernest Hemingway's
The Gas Also Rises is
also about SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3598.
Leonard Maltin gives
SPAM two and half stars. Go
figure. It's crazy.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3599.
Siskel and Ebert
give SPAM "two thumbs down, WAY down.
Down our throats, that is."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3600.
Mapplethorpe photo
shows SPAM, in a leisure suit,
doing...God knows what.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com