SPAM Haiku 3701-3800

Move backwards to Numbers 3601-3700.


3701.
Bruce Willis sees this,
Is traumatized in some way--
No longer sees pink!
--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3702.
He goes to L.A.
Becomes a group therapist
for SPAM abusers.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3703.
A wacky artist
in the group does abstract art.
Smears SPAM on canvas.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3704.
He has, uh, congress
with this girl involving SPAM.
You don't want to know.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3705.
But the result of
this bizarre Hormelesque sex:
He sees pink again!

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3706.
Michaelangelo,
Leonardo Da Vinci,
George Henry Hormel.

--Tom

3707.
The light in your eyes
When you hear the "beep-beep-beep"
Of the microwave.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3708.
I know I should not
Throw SPAM off my building's roof,
Yet I love the splat.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3709.
I felt a small thrill
When I nicked my ring finger
On the can's sharp edge.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3710.
Eve gave Adam SPAM.
God sent Eve out for more SPAM.
Seven Eleven!

--Lee Malone, leemalone@aol.com

3711.
I have these nightmares--
Badgers force SPAM down my throat
Till I sweat pink goop

--Bernard Matthews

3712.
Furloughed fed workers
Loiter in alleys, heat SPAM
Over garbage fires.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

3713.
We're building a bridge
That spams into tomorrow
Thank you.......Billary

--Village Idiots, @ Penn Sta. and Ave.

3714.
More spit than polish
Swimming in hog bogger slime
SPAM, you're the bottom

--Granger Harding, gharding@sprintnet.com

3715.
I'm too young to die
And I'm much too old to live
SPAM!....Please take me home

--WV Heigh

3716.
In Siberia
People really kill for SPAM
While we die from it.

--Carl Zuk, Danvers, Ma.

3717.
Why aren't you like Joe,
Joe would eat (blank) with gravy?
You can't make gravy!

--A. Tribout, Presqueisle Me.

3718.
Fidel smoked cigars.
But he never smoked our boys.
UnSPAM Cuba now!

--Free Cuba, It's about time!

3719.
"I'm very sorry,"
She says, "but we're out of SPAM."
I'm sad, yet relieved.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3720.
What, only ten votes?
My shame grows as a creeping
Fungus on lunch loaf.

--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com

3721.
Guess I'll retire to
The SPAM-Lin monastery
To study SPAM Fu.

--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com

3722.
Deadly martial art:
Monks move like lightning, armed with
Only two blue tins.

--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com

3723.
I choke on my SPAM.
The white-hot loaf sears my throat.
"Not yet, Grasshopper."

--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com

3724.
Years of hard training,
Meditation, shunning ways
of Armour and TREET.

--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com

3725.
At last, I go out
Into the world, reflexes
Atrophied by SPAM.

--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com

3726.
Five weeks in Thailand.
"Rice and green curry SPAM, please."
"Phom mai kao chai krop!"

--Mike McGaff

3727.
Narita airport.
"SPAM sushi with soba, please."
"Wakarimasen!"

--Mike McGaff

3728.
Home in the U.S.
"SPAMBURGER, fries, and cole slaw."
"I don't understand!"

--Mike McGaff

3729.
Separate parts are
Melded somehow, providing
Alien mealtime.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3730.
Smeared on your body,
SPAM prevents sunburn all day,
And it's PABA-free.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3731.
Mother is quite ill,
Can eat no solids. She looks
Sadly at my plate.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3732.
A shattered window,
The pantry door is ajar.
What has been stolen?

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3733.
My dish has fallen,
The sandwich has disappeared,
My dog is hiding.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3734.
Attach electrodes
To the SPAM, jolt it, shock it--
Still it will not oink.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3735.
Yeah! My haiku was
number two in the voting!
Kickin' some pink butt!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3736.
It would be cool if
the Red Hot Chili Peppers
all got "SPAM" tattoos.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3737.
Dave Navarro might
balk at this, but then, he's just
the guitar player.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3738.
Will the AFC
ever win a Super Bowl?
Sure...when SPAM can fly.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3739.
SPAM is to food what
The Benny Hill Show is to
British comedy.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3740.
The Frugal Gourmet
goes nuts on the air and yells,
"Eat more SPAM, people!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3741.
Anna Nicole Smith.
Just what makes 'em so darn big?
SPAM implants. No lie!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3742.
In North Korea
they are desperate for food.
"Except SPAM," they say.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3743.
SPAM is to food what
the 1962 Mets
were to baseball teams.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3744.
Apollo-Soyuz.
They gave vodka; we gave SPAM.
The Cold War resumed.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3745.
Meet George Jetson, Jane
his wife, his boy Elroy, and
their dinner: SPAM pills.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3746.
Wouldn't it be neat
if there were no SPAM or Treet?
Man, that would be sweet!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3747.
Deliverance: "Squeal
like a SPAM, boy!" "Got a real
purty can, don't he?"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3748.
The Doolittle raid.
"Where did the planes take off from?"
FDR: "SPAM Land!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3749.
I really like SPAM
It's quite nice to have around
Like a small, brown dog

--Stephe Rajkumar, 72144.2256@compuserve.com,Temple Of Lost Knowledge

3750.
The SPAM stands alone
So very very alone
The SPAM stands alone

--Stephe Rajkumar, 72144.2256@compuserve.com,Temple Of Lost Knowledge

3751.
Store manager's nod,
Brief, muttered apology--
Takes the dented can.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3752.
Books strewn on the floor,
Clothes scattered, closets ransacked--
I have lost my SPAM.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3753.
Last night, in a dream,
A giant SPAM tin crushed me,
But I felt no pain.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3754.
My dumb brother broke
My Mr. Potato Head.
Now I just use SPAM.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3755.
A crossword puzzle
Defined SPAM as "Meat product."
I got that one wrong.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3756.
In winter's gray light,
The warmth of the SPAM sandwich
Makes day seem brighter.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3757.
I sing little songs
To help the SPAM stay cheerful
Until I fry it.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3758.
Through the wall I hear
My neighbor say, "What good SPAM!"
I burn with envy.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3759.
In the meteor,
Lodged deep within it, they found
A strange pinkish meat.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3760.
Always take the SPAM
Out of your pocket before
You launder your clothes.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3761.
Leaves wither and fall,
Snow descends, then the spring thaw--
The SPAM is still fresh.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3762.
My canker sore throbs
With each bite of SPAM I take,
But I cannot stop.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3763.
I have never seen
A SPAM commercial, and yet
Everyone buys it.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3764.
I like to pretend
Somewhere there is turquoise SPAM
Waiting just for me.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3765.
The pirates whisper
Of the fabled SPAM-filled chest,
Deep in the ocean.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3766.
A lone can of SPAM
In orbit, slowly losing
Altitude. Beware.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3767.
The supermarket,
Bright lights, motion. The still point
Is in the meat aisle.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3768.
I cried when I saw
A man who had no SPAM, but
Then I tasted some.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3769.
On a visit home,
Mom serves SPAM as an entrée.
I pretend pleasure.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3770.
Pink cube of desire
Flaccid joy to touch and taste
Luncheon of my heart

--Tom Peer, tom@dkmm.co.uk

3771.
Sit writing Spamku
I wonder why I'm wasting
My summer morning

--Tony Pearson, ytonyp@dkmm.co.uk

3772.
Fried SPAM for breakfast
I am driven to write ode
Poem tastes better

--Tony Pearson, ytonyp@dkmm.co.uk

3773.
Trembling, juicy, pink
I sink my fingers in you
Seep under my nails

--Anonymous

3774.
Approach in hunger,
yet hunter becomes hunted.
Wolf in SPAM's clothing.

--Matthew Gertner, matthew@poet.de

3775.
Wartime SPAM I eat
Airplanes droning overhead
My Nagasaki

--Anonymous

3776.
"Slice it thin, please, sir,"
SPAM bringer tells cookout host.
"It must last all week."

--Dan Ford, Kingman, AZ

3777.
Cherry-blossom pink
SPAM; no success attended
Apple-blossom white.

--Peter Vincent

3778.
Fan of pink slices;
Pool of extra-virgin grease;
Nouvelle SPAM cuisine.

--Peter Vincent

3779.
Pink loaf sliced thin, fried,
Served with truffles, shallots, wine;
Martha Stewart dreams.

--Dan Ford, Kingman, AZ

3780.
SPAM haiku archive
I cannot cut you and yet
I haiku to bits

--Duncan Halley

3781.
spam is pink and moist
and sits very still in can
until you buy it

--Giles Metcalfe, g.metcalfe@clarendon.ac.uk

3782.
a spam motionless,
anticipating purchase,
sits on a high shelf

--Giles Metcalfe, g.metcalfe@clarendon.ac.uk

3783.
spam or luncheon meat?
what's in a name, or, for that
matter, in the can?

--Giles Metcalfe, g.metcalfe@clarendon.ac.uk

3784.
In a silent room
A bare table, empty plate
Oh where is the SPAM?

--Anonymous

3785.
Juliet looks forth
Across the fair land and cries,
"Wherefore art thou, SPAM?"

--Anonymous

3786.
Romeo lets his
Hand tenderly touch the can,
Sighs, "I love you, SPAM."

--Anonymous

3787.
Opening, more! more!
At last, bright light streams inside
My pink flesh exposed

--Anonymous

3788.
Anticipation
Freedom, any minute now!
I slide from the can

--Anonymous

3789.
Ooooh! Feel the cool blade
Slice cleanly through my firm flesh
Resistant yet meek

--Anonymous

3790.
World War food staple
Avoid a close scrutiny
Could cause mutiny

--Ellen Guon

3791.
Gelatinous shape
Quivering, unnatural
SPAM: a chef's terror

--Ellen Guon

3792.
Roommate once cooked it
Pungent reek of burning SPAM
Still haunts my nightmares

--Ellen Guon

3793.
SPAM, eternal SPAM.
"Food," nitrates, disturbing Muse.
Scientific art.

--Mike McGaff

3794.
Terry Gilliam,
Planning next twisted movie.
Brazil SPAM Bandits.

--Mike McGaff

3795.
SPAM lies uneaten
The milk is slowly curdling
Dead man on the floor

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3796.
I told a close friend
About my SPAM obsession.
He hasn't called since.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3797.
Leaving Las Vegas:
Ben tells Sera, "Never ask
Me not to eat SPAM."

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3798.
Tap, tap goes the spoon
On the metal can. Inside,
Is the SPAM dancing?

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3799.
You can never know
What it's like 'til you taste it.
It's Schrödinger's SPAM.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3800.
I left a thumbprint
In the murder victim's SPAM;
That's how they caught me.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com


Move forwards to Numbers 3801-3900.
Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.