SPAM Haiku 501-600

Move backwards to Numbers 401-500.

501.
Vegetarian.
But somehow, it inspires
The poet in me.

--Jeff Cerier, jcerier@world.std.com

502.
I have never had
This much fun before, typing
Of that which I hate.

--Jeff Cerier, jcerier@world.std.com

503.
Cubes of jellied SPAM
sit by the case in my desk.
I like to work late.

--Dave Schonberg

504.
On hot summer days
Ask mom for a special treat--
SPAMsicles are fun!

--Dave Schonberg

505.
The candles were lit
She's never had my cooking
SPAM soufflé is served

--Dave Schonberg

506.
I like mine no rice,
It only hides the fresh taste:
SPAM sashimi rules!

--Dave Schonberg

507.
He proved his manhood
To the lunchroom girl with SPAM,
Swallowing it whole.

--Dave Schonberg

508.
Cold on my deathbed,
will my heart weep for lack of
eating cans of SPAM?

--Dave Schonberg

509.
SPAM. Never ate it.
Only a concept to me.
Not in my culture.

--Peter Brueggeman, pbrueggeman@ucsd.edu

510.
Cell mass in a can
Sending shivers to my glands
SPAM is in my hand

--Anonymous

511.
Processed pig offal
Unidentifiable
Maybe edible

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

512.
Phallus made of SPAM
Although there's no threat of AIDS
There's cholesterol

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

513.
Love for Meg, Jo, Sue--
All these were transitory
Love of SPAM endures

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

514.
Descartes on pig parts
Says: "I'm pink, therefore I'm SPAM"
Deep philosophy

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

515.
on withered branches
crows linger over old SPAM
the end of autumn

--jingu, rbender@sas.upenn.edu

516.
like morning glories
I pause and contemplate SPAM
I'm that kind of guy

--jingu, rbender@sas.upenn.edu

517.
acidic heartburn
a boat disappears in mist
traces of old SPAM

--jingu, rbender@sas.upenn.edu

518.
Both Mrs. Lovett
and Sweeny Todd would approve
serving people SPAM.

--John St. Croix, jstcroix@hr.house.gov

519.
In aquarium
Blue can, dead flies, green water.
Here lurks the SPAM fish.

--Wade Bell, wbell@best.com

520.
Not easy to cut:
Slips, slides as I slice. Exits
Spamodically.

--Anonymous

521.
Fat-permeated
Glob of pink, sandwich filling.
Pepto Bismol, please.

--kenf@advtech.uswest.com

522.
A beautiful gold
Crust with pink squishy middle
SPAM pie for dinner!

--kenf@advtech.uswest.com

523.
Is that stuff aspic
Surrounding pink baloney?
Where's that damn can key?

--kenf@advtech.uswest.com

524.
Oldest known SPAM found
In the Valley of the Kings:
Ramses' SPAMulet.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

525.
Put SPAM in my shoes.
Cool and squishy all day long.
Killed my athlete's foot.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

526.
Sizzling on the stove,
Greasy globules sputter, pop.
I stare, misty-eyed.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

527.
SPAM got hot, and shot;
spunk of SPAM is on my ham.
Wait twenty minutes.

--Anonymous

528.
I really should work
Yet I must write SPAM haiku
Twisted compulsion

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

529.
Won the lottery
Now I shall have fine champagne
To wash down my SPAM

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

530.
I dropped acid once
Bad trip: Porcine cubes chased me.
Far worse: SPAM flashbacks.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

531.
Replicators failed
Enterprise crew must eat SPAM
Troi senses great pain

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

532.
From Shakespeare's Spamlet:
The jester ate a whole can,
Alas poor Yorrick.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

533.
UN airdrops SPAM
To Bosnian refugees
Errant cans kill Serbs

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

534.
The SPAMinator
Arnold's big line: "I'll be back--
But first, I'll eat SPAM."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

535.
O.J.'s innocent
SPAM is made from finest pork
Which would you believe?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

536.
Guide to eating SPAM:
If it's still spink, go for it.
If it's turned green, don't.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

537.
Soft pink SPAMmy mass
I want to be one with you
My hands get clammy

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

538.
Hunger I have got
Will suffer through lasagna
For SPAM I have not

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

539.
Would rather eat mud
Than live a day without SPAM
Nah, mud's much better!

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

540.
Learned of the SPAM god
From mythology teachings
Of Joseph SPAMbell

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

541.
Resoled my sneaker
With strips of old, toughened SPAM
Now I eat and run

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

542.
Relined the gutters
With paste of SPAM's gelatin
My whole house turned pink

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

543.
Built a porch of SPAM
Norm Abrams was very proud
He ate it right off

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

544.
Muppets' Pigs in Space
Was secret plot to send SPAM
Far, far, far away

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

545.
I made love with SPAM...
...But some SPAM haiku should be
left unwritten...

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

546.
I miss SPAM sometimes
But while he is away though,
SPAM sends me postcards

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

547.
The SPAM muse came back
Like a SPAM breakfast returns
just before lunchtime

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

548.
Fried in a sandwich--
Remember the mayonnaise!
Hot death on a plate.

--Mark Paulin, markp@funway.com

549.
Pork loin and shoulder--
Hormel swears it to be this...
Too good to ask twice!

--Mark Paulin, markp@funway.com

550.
Testicles. Sphincters.
Were they washed before grinding?
Who knows otherwise?

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

551.
Call me Ishmael.
Had Melville invented SPAM
It might be called "Spale."

--Anonymous

552.
I can't stop laughing.
SPAM has become a can of
worms. Please help yourself.

--Mark Yannone, elwood@imap1.asu.edu

553.
This really hurts me--
SPAM is burned into my brain.
Won't need teeth again.

--Mark Yannone, elwood@imap1.asu.edu

554.
Is SPAM a Pam? ...Well?
Vegetarians think so.
"Please don't eat my friend!"

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

555.
"Well, I SPAM it in
oh, create my hate it, YEAH!"
New White Zombie song.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

556.
Incredulity!
Suddenly, SPAM is hot shit!
Post-modern weirdness.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

557.
In Spain, it's SPAM-O.
SPAM-O ranchero, olé!
Cucaracha bait.

--Mark Yannone, elwood@imap1.asu.edu

558.
SPAMAPSPAMAPSPAM
SPAMAPSPAMAPSPAMAPSPAM
APS. A palindrome.

--Mark Yannone, elwood@imap1.asu.edu

559.
Spamville, USA
Is where the critter hails from.
Send Janet Reno.

--Mark Yannone, elwood@imap1.asu.edu

560.
My apology,
Gastroenterology.
SPAM's been here again.

--Mark Yannone, elwood@imap1.asu.edu

561.
SPAM is really neat.
It looks so good on your feet.
Can't believe it's meat.

--Mark Yannone, elwood@imap1.asu.edu

562.
Turning the Death key
Unlocking the pink horror
I die with each tin.

--Joey Berner, berner@dpdmai.enet.dec.com

563.
I built a SPAM house
of pink gelatinous bricks.
It withstood the storm.

--Anonymous

564.
Worse than eating SPAM?
Watching your father-in-law
eat a trout head. (Crunch.)

--Matt Ragozzino, mwr@teleport.com

565.
Clear chunk waits inside.
It rises!? -- No, just a dream.
Entropy triumphs.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

566.
I clutch my stomach
Is it SPAM that grips me so?
Or the muse returned?

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

567.
Big Bad Wolf ate SPAM
"I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll
turn you into SPAM!"

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

568.
Nirvana's hit song
first called "Smells Like SPAM Spirit
did not sell real well

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

569.
Boogie woogie SPAM
Ev-er-y afternoon on
MTV's "The Grind"

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

570.
There's no sense in it.
Rehashing SPAM haiku won't
Make it more refined.

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

571.
SPAM muse left early
After only five haiku
Took afternoon off

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

572.
On Halloween night:
Would you like SPAM or SPAM LITE?
"No poisoned candy?"

--Joey Berner, berner@dpdmai.enet.dec.com

573.
Sliced with royal fork
She nibbles, gasps! Then turns blue!
Oh, God save the Queen!

--Joey Berner, berner@dpdmai.enet.dec.com

574.
Two bums all alone
Famished: SPAM or dead rat? Gross!
They split the dead rat.

--Joey Berner, berner@dpdmai.enet.dec.com

575.
Electric chair waits.
"SPAM LITE for my last supper!"
No need for the chair.

--Joey Berner, berner@dpdmai.enet.dec.com

576.
Sunday school boy asks,
"Killing, stealing, eating SPAM...
Which sends me to hell?"

--Joey Berner, berner@dpdmai.enet.dec.com

577.
"No fishes or loaves!
I shall make SPAM for you all!"
The starving all left.

--Joey Berner, berner@dpdmai.enet.dec.com

578.
How do I love SPAM?
Let me count the ways! One...two...
That's about enough.

--GoshMizer@aol.com

579.
triple SPAMBURGER.
two breads and a WHOLE LOAF, mmmmmmm
yummy yum BLEEEERCH, wipe.

--Powdered TOAST Man, s3036712@hardy.ocs.mq.edu.au

580.
SPAM can ran with pam-
ela anderson cuz she's
a babe with spam cram

--Powdered TOAST Man, s3036712@hardy.ocs.mq.edu.au

581.
spaim spaim, in the rain
drain drain go awaym. come back
yet opressedly

--Powdered TOAST Man, s3036712@hardy.ocs.mq.edu.au

582.
3 men walk into
a bar with a can of SPAM.
12-inch pianist.

--Powdered TOAST Man, s3036712@hardy.ocs.mq.edu.au

583.
I keep a can of
SPAM in my pocket to keep
away big monsters.

--Powdered TOAST Man, s3036712@hardy.ocs.mq.edu.au

584.
10 pounds of hog's date.
boil it all for 20 hours.
yum yum bubble gum.

--Powdered TOAST Man, s3036712@hardy.ocs.mq.edu.au

585.
SPAM-induced madness
Haiku on top of haiku
Where will it all end?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

586.
Liquid nitrogen:
Dunk SPAM in, hit with hammer.
Pink shards fly about.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

587.
Jewish boys are spared
from SPAM. It's compensation
for circumcision.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

588.
Schrödinger's SPAM: One
minute the pork snouts are dead.
The next, they're alive!

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

589.
Rosemary's Baby
was probably raised on SPAM.
Food for devil's spawn.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

590.
If the Borg attack
The Federation of SPAM
whom do you root for?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

591.
The beauty of SPAM:
It inspires poems as it
clogs your arteries.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

592.
Mother opens SPAM
Child's hunger used as weapon
Peanut butter, please

--Jeff Bell, bell@agames.com

593.
Mother slices SPAM
Child stares out of the window
Short attention span

--Jeff Bell, bell@agames.com

594.
Mother serves the SPAM
Child's tears moisten the sandwich
Time passes slowly

--Jeff Bell, bell@agames.com

595.
Mother, empty can
SPAM, insubordination
Child learns to run fast

--Jeff Bell, bell@agames.com

596.
Mother, old-age tears
Adult child harbors revenge
SPAM did this to me

--Jeff Bell, bell@agames.com

597.
SPAM for lunch again
Who's gonna clean all this up?
Spamdemonium

--Paul D Shepard @ TWI (Used to be Atari Games)

598.
Zeus punishes men
Pandora brings great horror
Box is full of SPAM

--Jose Eduardo Tabora, jet5r@Virginia.EDU

599.
The SHAM checks e-mail
Box full of lame SPAM haiku
Too many losers!

--Jose Eduardo Tabora, jet5r@Virginia.EDU

600.
a crown of laurels
for the genius of the SHAM
SPAM, too, feels humbled

--Laura Perry, lperry@mail.IConNet.COM