SPAM Haiku 7001-7100

Move backwards to Numbers 6901-7000.

7001.
Cube of grease and meat
Chorizo's gringo cousin
Salty suicide!

--Scott Wolfe, Lowguy@jetlink.net

7002.
O Mystery Meat!
Do swine aspire to retire
into blue steel cans?

--Scott Wolfe, Lowguy@jetlink.net

7003.
How many soldiers
sat hungry in a foxhole,
having lost the key?

--Scott Wolfe, Lowguy@jetlink.net

7004.
Despite the contents,
no warning on the can from
C. Everett Koop.

--Scott Wolfe, Lowguy@jetlink.net

7005.
Weird Al Yankovic
sang of its porky wonders.
Tune by R.E.M.

--Scott Wolfe, Lowguy@jetlink.net

7006.
Processed pork product.
Your nomenclature belies
your claim to be food!

--Scott Wolfe, Lowguy@jetlink.net

7007.
She hands me the key
to my can of meaty joy.
She loves me truly!

--Scott Wolfe, Lowguy@jetlink.net

7008.
Backpacker's delight!
Regular, smoked, or low-salt,
fat keeps me walking.

--Scott Wolfe, Lowguy@jetlink.net

7009.
Hormel, O Hormel!
Daily I thank you for SPAM!
Parent of haiku.

--Scott Wolfe, Lowguy@jetlink.net

7010.
In you have I found
What Chinese chefs will not serve:
The sweet and sour SPAM!

--Scott Wolfe, Lowguy@jetlink.net

7011.
Smoke alarm screaming!
I stop what I am doing:
Shit! I burned the SPAM!

--Scott Wolfe, Lowguy@jetlink.net

7012.
Party in a can!
I anticipate your taste
with unbridled lust!

--Scott Wolfe, Lowguy@jetlink.net

7013.
No one really knows
of what you are truly made.
But who gives a shit?

--Scott Wolfe, Lowguy@jetlink.net

7014.
a long time at sea
was promised a special meal
keep it spam sailor!

--Anonymous

7015.
i have searched the aisle
i ask the manager, spam?
the navy has it

--Anonymous

7016.
Oh, happy pink meat
Cosmic hatred beckons God
Leftover souls--SPAM

--Ray Russ, rruss@stanford.edu

7017.
spam sizzles loudly
i clip my toenails softly
must find peppermill!

--david thoreson, dethores@facstaff.wisc.edu

7018.
I wrote more spamku
If you are reading this one,
John Cho must be back!

--maryholt@flash.net

7019.
SHAM, while you were gone,
It was bad, man, really bad.
Spamku withdrawal.

--maryholt@flash.net

7020.
It must take much time.
SHAM, I really have to ask--
Are you paid for this?

--maryholt@flash.net

7021.
I got fan email
Because they liked my spamku
Only one hate mail

--maryholt@flash.net

7022.
Some guys asked for the
SPAMaroni recipe.
I do pity them.

--maryholt@flash.net

7023.
Spamku for SPAM's sake?
Once, but now I get fan mail!
Bring on the glory!

--maryholt@flash.net

7024.
I know it's not much,
A useless, stupid talent,
But it's mine, all mine.

--maryholt@flash.net

7025.
Even my grandma
Helped write a song about SPAM.
Damn heredity.

--maryholt@flash.net

7026.
"Indigestible"
Is the name of the SPAM song
My grandma helped write.

--maryholt@flash.net

7027.
*sigh* I remember
Gagging at that first SPAM meal.
I'm sentimental.

--maryholt@flash.net

7028.
What a conundrum--
I like the concept of SPAM
But gag at the taste.

--maryholt@flash.net

7029.
SPAM, what a weird food.
I won't put it in my mouth,
But I'm glad it's here.

--maryholt@flash.net

7030.
Guy at my workplace
Keeps can of SPAM on his desk
Hip new geek decor.

--maryholt@flash.net

7031.
My dog will eat SPAM,
Then crap in the dining room
And eat it again.

--maryholt@flash.net

7032.
Keep a can on hand
Then bring it out at mealtime.
Watch freeloaders leave.

--maryholt@flash.net

7033.
Somewhere, I bet there's
Someone who tried to smoke a
Big greasy SPAM joint.

--maryholt@flash.net

7034.
If given a choice
between SPAM and carrion,
Move over, vultures!

--Kurt Trenkle

7035.
Tonight I ate SPAM
And White Castle hamburgers.
I sleep on the couch.

--Kurt Trenkle

7036.
No! I would never
Eat that pus-filled pseudo-meat!
Clear gel on my chin.

--Kurt Trenkle

7037.
Could a "real" haiku
Have the word "SPAM" if it said,
"Cherry blossoms bloom?"

--Kurt Trenkle

7038.
I went to the store
to buy a present of Spam
for my friend John-boy

--L. Kuzma

7039.
Why not write a spoem
when you're in the mood for SPAM?
It makes a great gift

--L. Kuzma

7040.
Metamorphosis
Gregor Samsa's worst nightmare
"I have become SPAM"

--Joe Nicholas, nicholas@sound.net

7041.
Painful blockage. Gas.
SPAM and Treet in cakes of pink.
Weep at the table.

--Anonymous

7042.
Ska and SPAM start with
the same exact letter and
so do slut and skank

--NKP7, CCR89@aol.com

7043.
I ate two-tone SPAM
Half kangaroo and half newt
It skanks by itself

--NKP7, CCR89@aol.com

7044.
Reel Big Fish sold out
They signed to Hormel Records
"Everything Wobbles"

--NKP7, CCR89@aol.com

7045.
In the Arab souk
skewers of SPAM entice girls
with silk covered mouths.

--sasha, borah2008@aol.com

7046.
I like SPAM a lot
Family committed me
Hard typing with feet

--David Poppers, LimePi@aol.com

7047.
fuel for steam engine
out of sterno, spam will work
he is my ex-friend

--David Poppers, LimePi@aol.com

7048.
Gave SPAM to teacher
Thought it was a nice present
Got all Fs on card

--David Poppers, LimePi@aol.com

7049.
I love SPAM a lot
It loves me a whole lot too
The voices told me

--David Poppers, LimePi@aol.com

7050.
Made new TV show
"The SPAM Cook" SPAM cooking show
Man says: "Keep your job!!!!!"

--David Poppers, LimePi@aol.com

7051.
Should one eat SPAM or
Armour Potted Meat Product?
The choice is not clear.

--hypatia, hypatia@prodigy.net

7052.
Vegetarians
scoff at SPAM, yet eat tofu...
so who's laughing now?

--hypatia, hypatia@prodigy.net

7053.
Meat conglomerate
in a can is what SPAM is;
out of many, one.

--hypatia, hypatia@prodigy.net

7054.
SPAM: an MRE
that could drive certain soldiers
to the other side.

--hypatia, hypatia@prodigy.net

7055.
Mournful piglets shed
existential tears, fearing
future canned karma.

--hypatia, hypatia@prodigy.net

7056.
O, Muse, sing to me
of pork entrails congealéd;
why Troy really fell.

--hypatia, hypatia@prodigy.net

7057.
Thou dost see the SPAM...
SPAM, O Porcine Seraphim!
SPAM is but holy.

--William Stern, gsi00429@gsaix2.cc.gasou.edu

7058.
I writhe, I wriggle
in anticipation of
gelatinous SPAM.

--Richard Coltharp, adn@zianet.com

7059.
Lonely Friday night
SPAM will never leave my side
I can buy your love

--Jeannie

7060.
SPAM on our first date
Then ride in a blue Pinto
You are what you eat

--Jeannie

7061.
Breakfast, SPAM and eggs
Lunch, SPAM and pickle sandwich
I am so thirsty

--Jeannie

7062.
Low sodium SPAM
Now I can eat twice as much
It's never too much

--Jeannie

7063.
Running through my veins
You are slowly killing me
But I just can't stop

--Jeannie

7064.
After hearty gray-
pink casserole on the farm
do pigs eat SPAM slop?

--Dan Joyce

7065.
As Mom scoops up some
broccoli Fido slips the
SPAM back on your plate.

--Dan Joyce

7066.
SPAM cover up, not
pork vastly intelligent
alien species

--Dan Joyce

7067.
A bulimic's per-
fect food tastes better coming
up than going down.

--Dan Joyce

7068.
Alone at the bar
SPAM gel in a whiskey glass
straight up on the rocks.

--Dan Joyce

7069.
Hormel plant explodes
Continental U.S.A.
Breaks out SPAMshovel

--Dan Joyce

7070.
SpamGod, Oh SpamGod,
We're not worthy of thy SPAM!
Bless us all, SPICED HAM!

--SpamGod the Mighty, spiffaroo@hotmail.com

7071.
SPAM is not kosher
And it's out to get the world
Death to SPAM right now!

--Matthew Anscher, ansch002@acpub.duke.edu

7072.
Built my house from SPAM
It never leaks when it rains
No need to paint it

--tad tad tad

7073.
I am Sam I Am
I don't eat green eggs and ham
SPAM comes from a can

--Anonymous

7074.
Tears on my pillow
Your sweet juice and bright blue can
Licked by someone else

--joani, joani@cse.lbl.gov

7075.
I like shitty SPAM
Makes me want to spank my ham
SPAM muy feo

--Anonymous

7076.
Shopping at midnight
A blue can whispered to me
From the lonely aisle

--Mark W. Herber, markh@cts.com

7077.
"SPAM in the place where
you work"... Uhhh, not quite right--Stipe
Please change those lyrics.

--Mark W. Herber, markh@cts.com

7078.
"Here try this," said Eve
Handing Adam a pink slice.
Original sin.

--Mark W. Herber, markh@cts.com

7079.
Huge pink cubes, rising
and falling. E2M3,
the "SPAM" room in DOOM.

--Mark W. Herber, markh@cts.com

7080.
SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM
It's even worse than fruitcake
THE mystery meat

--Dave Sagehorn, Sage@pcii.net

7081.
Zen monks stack SPAM cans
Exercise in mindlessness
Arterial world

--Sarah Miller Arnold, smarnold@ultranet.com

7082.
Perfectly pert, pink
What gives Pam Anderson shape?
Must be spamicone

--paul handley, phand@ksc.net.th

7083.
SPAM's day on death row
Electrodes stuck to each end
The prison melts down

--paul handley, phand@ksc.net.th

7084.
The odor of SPAM
Fills the air, I take a whiff,
And eat my dinner.

--Anonymous

7085.
Strangely, after just
Partially eating A loaf,
i could eat no More.

--Jonathan Michaels, jmichaels@earthling.net

7086.
SPAMku writers need
To get a life. Uh oh, what
am I doing? Help!

--Jonathan Michaels, jmichaels@earthling.net

7087.
SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM
I love to eat SPAM SPAM SPAM.
The taste is super.

--Confessions of a Spam addict

7088.
no more star trek spam
spam is not science fiction
real life deal with spam

--Tom Lilly

7089.
Gloppy, flabby SPAM
Frying on the hot stove top.
Meat can't make THAT sound.

--Robert Hastings

7090.
"SPAM dinner? I'll give
You a definite maybe."--
SPAMuel Goldwyn

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7091.
In Britain we have
SPAM--base material for
Wallace and Gromit.

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7092.
Blue on outside, pink
On inside. SPAM can? No, a
Tory left-winger.

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7093.
Everyone here drives
A SPAM-colored auto; it's
A pink car nation!

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7094.
I've got a stretch pink
Cadillac, made from raw SPAM.
It's a pig to park...

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7095.
Driving my SPAM-pink
Cadillac today, I got
a porking ticket...

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7096.
If God had wanted
us to eat SPAM he would have
given us sick bags.

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7097.
Yum! SPAM for dinner!
How do I know? The nice men
In white coats told me.

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7098.
Some days it's not worth
Chewing through the leather straps--
SPAM not on menu...

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7099.
"Huge pink slab on moon..."
2001 remake
(Hormel Productions)

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7100.
The remake of Gone
With The Wind--"Frankly, my dear,
I don't give a SPAM!"

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com