SPAM Haiku 701-800

Move backwards to Numbers 601-700.


701.
oh set it on fire
run it over or stab it
SPAM is immortal
--Dawn M. Martin

702.
Rooty toot tooty
Lips, hips, and innard beauty
Oingy, boingy, SPAM!

--WhaarfRat@aol.com

703.
alone in my room
plastic eyes, ears, lips, and SPAM
Mr. SPAM-Head lived

--Dawn M. Martin

704.
SPAM for dinner. SPAM
for lunch. SPAM for breakfast. SPAM
for brunch. Rest in peace.

--Dawn M. Martin

705.
"Yo' mama eats SPAM,"
said one child to another.
The supreme insult.

--Dawn M. Martin

706.
The death penalty
would be a big deterrant
if death were by SPAM.

--Dawn M. Martin

707.
disgrace to all swine
a body part potpourri
packed in brown jelly

--Dawn M. Martin

708.
Put SPAM in the gas
tank. Lousy mileage, but I
like the pink exhaust.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

709.
Hannibal Lecter
Eats livers, but no pig snouts.
Silence of the SPAMs.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

710.
Do you see pig snouts
Or a fine meal? It's a pork
product Rashomon.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

711.
A pink obelisk
comes to the apes. It imparts
both wisdom and SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

712.
Got a flat coming
home from the store. Damn, no spare.
Patched the tire with SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

713.
Sinclair's The Jungle
will always be relevant
as long as there's SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

714.
Bob Dylan, pork fan.
Sang "The answer, my friend, is
Blowin' in the SPAM."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

715.
"The ram in SPAM falls
Numbly on the Pam." "By George,
I think she's got it."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

716.
SAT answer:
"Noisy" is to "quiet" as
"meat" is to: "(c) SPAM."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

717.
I substituted
SPAM for bread at communion.
Was sent straight to hell.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

718.
M. C. Escher's SPAM:
Pig-snout stairs run in circles.
Ever-rising pork.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

719.
Foul Aliens from
Minnesota. Sigourney
Weaver screams in fear.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

720.
Don Vito orders
horse-head surprise. "Make him a
SPAM he can't refuse."

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

721.
Roy Scheider stuffs SPAM
Down Great White's hideous Jaws.
Shark explodes from gas.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

722.
Profane communion!
Through transubstantiation
The SPAM becomes me.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

723.
To eat SPAM is death
to one on dialysis.
Kidneys must beware.

--Anonymous

724.
Willow blows. Cold breeze.
SPAM sizzles on the hot grill.
Wake, eat, think, my friend.

--Steve Genders, cuseg@ecom.ecn.bgu.edu

725.
Eighteen-wheeler full
of SPAM fries in the wreckage.
Film at eleven.

--Brian Beakley, cfbxb@ux1.cts.eiu.edu

726.
Senator Exon
Downloads SPAM GIFs from archive,
Soils the Senate floor.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

727.
Haiku 665:
George Hormel's the Antichrist!
Off-by-one error.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

728.
Deep within my gut,
Putrefactive microbes breed.
SPAM farts are the worst!

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

729.
Tried to use the word
"Arteriosclerosis"
in a SPAM haiku.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

730.
Repeat offenders:
"Always leave them wanting more."
Flames to /dev/null, please.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

731.
Delicious globule
How I love your greasy sheen
Pink fatty morsel

--Joseph A. Gialluca, joeg@perseus.nl.nuwc.navy.mil

732.
Better than tofu
My favorite block-like food
Carve me off a chunk

--Joseph A. Gialluca, joeg@perseus.nl.nuwc.navy.mil

733.
I saw the best SPAM
of my generation con-
geal into Gingrich.

--Joseph A. Gialluca, joeg@perseus.nl.nuwc.navy.mil

734.
I hope it was SPAM.
I didn't want to ask her--
I just hope it was.

--Joseph A. Gialluca, joeg@perseus.nl.nuwc.navy.mil

735.
SPAM--Jews won't touch it.
Muslims proclaim it unclean.
Wisdom of the East.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

736.
SPAM (noun). dead, rank flesh;
also: flesh unfit for food,
putrefying meat.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

737.
Hormel: "Cease, desist
Ere our lawyers chew you up!"
Me: "Let them eat SPAM."

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

738.
Slick Willy admits
Eating SPAM at school. Too bad
He didn't inhale.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

739.
Pink, shiny pig meat.
Instant anticipation
Changing to vomit.

--Mark Yannone, elwood@imap1.asu.edu

740.
Bloody glove, chopped meat
On Brentwood mansion walkway.
Hormel strikes again!

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

741.
If O. J.'s guilty,
Bill, watch for new SPAM flavor:
Roast Buffalo, Bill.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

742.
Fuhrman spews racist
SPAM. L.A.P.D., do like
Hormel: can the pig.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

743.
Friend moved to Detroit
He brought his SPAM cans to me
The cats wouldn't eat...

--Anonymous

744.
SPAM. Never tried it.
Have you? Or others you know?
They are not around.

--josh@pcqt.com

745.
Food in a can on
Walgreen's shelf. There's TREET and ham
But no goddamn SPAM.

--josh@pcqt.com

746.
If meat in can is
SPAM, and scent in can is GLADE,
What is man in can?

--josh@pcqt.com

747.
Pink, soft, moist, fragrant,
Spiced, diced, molded, gelatined--
Lo, SPAM is at hand.

--josh@pcqt.com

748.
Order from chaos
Differentiated flesh
SPAM proves entropy

--Anonymous

749.
SPAM and Top Shelf Meals.
They make Evil and Good; how?
The Tao of Hormel.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

750.
macaroni rings
mayo green peas Velveeta
toss with chunks of SPAM

--Andrea Szalay, szala001@maroon.tc.umn.edu

751.
In postwar Europe
Magritte painted a blue can.
Ce n'est pas un SPAM!

--Anonymous

752.
Ate SPAM, then Mentos.
Internal struggle followed.
Which one will triumph?

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

753.
Bounty hunters fight
Over blue tin. The Good, the
SPAM, and the Ugly.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

754.
Gargamel cackles,
Pours blue meat into cauldron.
It's smurfs! SPAM is smurfs!

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

755.
new roommate arrives
cooks sunday morning fried SPAM
goodbye new roommate

--Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

756.
tried Tide, Clorox, Wisk
even a blow torch won't kill
the remaining smell

--Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

757.
Driving on I-5
Tens of thousands of cows wait;
At least they're not SPAM.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

758.
Woman jogs after
Mastectomy. What's the sound
Of one SPAM slapping?

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

759.
What if Parker, Monk,
and Coltrane partook of SPAM?
bilious bebop

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

760.
Coltrane nixes the
carrot juice; tries SPAM cocktail.
writes "A Loaf Supreme"

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

761.
Ornette Coleman plays
"The Shape of Free SPAM To Come"
Fans run to Zamfir

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

762.
What is more awful
than the sound of squishing SPAM?
a Kenny G tune

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

763.
SPAM is not a gift.
When you eat, just remember:
It's only a loan.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

764.
Ornette's harmony
some say "indigestible!"
it's SPAMolodics

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

765.
fifty-second street
cooking pot of new bop jazz
at Minton's SPAMhouse

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

766.
Dexter Gordon moves
to Paris: less racism?
no, just much less SPAM

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

767.
Louis Armstrong finds
way to entertain millions:
sing, play, eat SPAM, sing

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

768.
SPAM deserves much thanks
it gave Billie Holiday
the right to feel blue

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

769.
Miles needs a new tune
sees Bill Evans munching SPAM:
now that's "Kind of Blue"

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

770.
Sidney Bechet plays:
can't find the cork grease--panic!
SPAM to the rescue

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

771.
Metheny hunts for
years but can't reproduce SPAM
on Synclavier.

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

772.
Lyle Mays finds the sound
quite easily. Releases
Fictionary bomb.

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

773.
Metheny Group has
a secret weapon: David
Bowie on SPAM can.

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

774.
brasiliana
amorphously glistening
the sound of Spam Getz

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

775.
Morning commuter
Eats SPAM sandwich lunch early.
Surprise! Empty train.

--Jared Stamm, jared_stamm@scp.com

776.
"Hey, Thelonius,
how'd ya like your SPAM cocktail?"
Says, "Straight, No Chaser."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

777.
Was Bitches Brew by
Miles D. inspired by one too
many SPAM cocktails?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

778.
Gershwin devours SPAM,
looks at can, writes "Rhapsody
in Blue and Yellow."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

779.
George Gershwin's fondness
for SPAM inspires famous song
"I Loves You, Porky."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

780.
The letters of "SPAM"--
What do they stand for? Semi-,
Pseudo-, Almost Meat.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

781.
Subversive Pinko
Anti-american Meat:
SPAM's a Commie plot!

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

782.
SPAM's the Devil's work:
Sinful Pork of Almighty
Mephistopheles.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

783.
A buck forty-nine
bought a feast: SPAM with ramen
noodles on the side.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

784.
Mom packed SPAM for my
school lunches. The other kids
wouldn't sit with me.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

785.
New SPAM cigarettes:
Surgeon general says, "Heads
will roll over this."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

786.
New SPAM cigarettes
introduce a new health risk:
Second-hand nitrates.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

787.
At the fashion show,
critics rave over Hormel's
line of SPAM dresses.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

788.
Warhol follows soup
cans with SPAM cans. Irate mobs
torch the gallery.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

789.
Picasso, Duchamp,
and Kandinsky loved SPAM. Square
meat: cubist's delight.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

790.
Can't control my SPAM
haiku addiction. Is there
a 12-step program?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

791.
Pressed meat is wisdom:
Empty gut filled with SPAM chunks
MAPS soul in reverse.

--Jared Stamm, jared_stamm@scp.com

792.
Lots of SPAM eaten
and much more to come, she sighs.
Out of spamina.

--Jared Stamm, jared_stamm@scp.com

793.
Zen guy on Harley
flattens SPAM can; oops, time for
cycle maintenance.

--Jared Stamm, jared_stamm@scp.com

794.
SPAM in the morning,
SPAM-lunch, SPAM-dinner. Result?
Foreshortened lifespam.

--Jared Stamm, jared_stamm@scp.com

795.
Count sheep to find sleep.
Lambs turn to pigs, then pig parts...
Nightmare! Free-range SPAM!

--Jared Stamm, jared_stamm@scp.com

796.
"Shredded are the pigs..."
(Revised Spamdard Edition.
Hormel buys print run.)

--Jared Stamm, jared_stamm@scp.com

797.
They had no oinkling
Those Spamish cornqweestadoors
Just how trough war is...

--Anne Landry, anne_landry@scp.com

798.
Two-pack of SPAM Lite
Free SPAM car in the package
I have all I need

--Michael Pohl, mjpohl01@homer.louisville.edu

799.
No one expects it,
The Spammish Repetition,
spam spam spam spam spam!

--Anonymous

800.
lost my first true dog
please help me find my best pet
I write SPAM haiku

--Anonymous


Move forwards to Numbers 801-900.
Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.