SPAM Haiku 801-900

Move backwards to Numbers 701-800.

801.
I like to eat SPAM.
I feel it sliding downwards.
Plop. Splash. Gurgle. Fart.

--Anonymous

802.
I once had a dream.
SPAM floated before my eyes.
Toilet, here I come!

--Anonymous

803.
SPAM killed my best friend.
She was sitting on her porch
When the SPAM bomb fell.

--Anonymous

804.
MAPS or AMPS or PAMS:
Lots of things to spell with SPAM.
You can spell SPAM, too.

--Anonymous

805.
Computers made of
SPAM. The input is easy.
Just don't eat the keys!!

--Anonymous

806.
Throw a SPAM party!
You can blow up pink balloons;
also bob for SPAM.

--Anonymous

807.
SPAM ingredients
Are like Pink Floyd songs: Dogs, Sheep,
Pigs (three diff'rent ones).

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

808.
Cool, pink chunk of meat,
remains of Grade "E" hot dogs,
in a square blue can.

--Anonymous

809.
It's lips and assholes
Forever no more, no less
Snails, Possum, And Mice

--Superfly EditorAGoGo Adam Woodyard, awoodyar@austinc.edu

810.
Tap the can of SPAM:
Woosh! Woosh! Inward rush of air:
Flatulence reversed.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

811.
Eagle arcs in sky:
Lizard reflected in eye?
No. SPAM on the run.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

812.
SPAM on shelf: break seal!
Sitting on the plate: break-fast!
In-testines: break wind!

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

813.
Astronaut keys mike:
"SPAM in can." Time for space snack?
No. Laika orbits.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

814.
Hormel sponsors new
Marsalis SPAM-dard Time by
Wynton and Branford

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

815.
"Soft and bland/And square
and pink"--words to Jobim's "SPAM
from Ipanema"

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

816.
Sinatra, Dorsey
split some SPAM, then record "I'll
Never Smile Again"

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

817.
Les Paul plays: "Somewhere
up above/There's a pinkish
love/How High the SPAM?"

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

818.
There's spectral cowboys
in my luncheon meat. It's "Ghost
Riders in the SPAM"

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

819.
That oddly soulful
oldie, Procul Harum's "A
Pinker Shade of SPAM"

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

820.
Neil Armstrong's real first
words on the moon: "This ain't green
cheese. My God, it's SPAM!"

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

821.
The leaves have turned brown
Like the SPAM I bought in June
Autumn has arrived

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

822.
Hormel Church performs
sacrifices to SPAM gods.
Dangerous new cult.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

823.
Orson Welles in the
Hormel sewers, plays Harry
Lime in "The Third SPAM"

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

824.
Babe and Charlotte's Web:
Movies with future slabs of
SPAM in the lead role.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

825.
Letterman should give
away "Big Ass SPAM" while Paul
recites some haiku.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

826.
Fed my dog some SPAM
Got cited for cruelty by
The S.P.C.A.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

827.
Miss Minnesota
Banned from beauty pageant. Why?
Had SPAM-enhanced breasts.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

828.
New SPAM haiku tax:
SHAM, Booda, and Fishel wipe
out the deficit.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

829.
the key, big blue van
my friend jared drives it fast
the SPAM-mobile rules

--nathan true, ntrue@gas.uug.arizona.edu

830.
in a colander
it sits and reeks and rots and
talks to me softly

--nathan true, ntrue@gas.uug.arizona.edu

831.
Sodium chloride
Coats the pinkish slimyness...
My God! What is it?

--Dan Seriff, criosphinx@aol.com, lithium@aol.com

832.
Now, wait a minute...
I think I ate too much SPAM...
I have to fart, bad!

--Dan Seriff, criosphinx@aol.com, lithium@aol.com

833.
The great SPAM lives on
as I wither away at
college in Nashville

--Dan Seriff, criosphinx@aol.com, lithium@aol.com

834.
His eyes follow you
Big Brother watches you eat
Pink jellied product

--Dan Seriff, criosphinx@aol.com, lithium@aol.com

835.
Played some Beethoven;
Dammit, there's some SPAM in the
French horn player's bell!

--Dan Seriff, criosphinx@aol.com, lithium@aol.com

836.
Shoot at SPAM targets.
BANG Splat! POW Sploot! BLAM Ka-whump!
That's three out of three.

--john.foster@camel.com

837.
It's the giant leech.
Sucking on SPAM for his lunch,
suffocates himself.

--john.foster@camel.com

838.
Does SPAM contain tongues?
When you eat it, does it taste
you as you taste it?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

839.
Prisoners served SPAM.
The Supreme Court rules it cruel
and unusual.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

840.
Third World dictators
force feed SPAM to dissidents.
Amnesty protests.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

841.
School lunch funding cuts
cause SPAM to be served each day.
Truancy shoots up.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

842.
Murder mystery
solved: Colonel Mustard in the
ballroom with the SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

843.
Dustin Hoffman is
raised by Hormel Indians
in Little Big SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

844.
George Romero shows
the latest in horror: Night
of the Living SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

845.
Gene Kelly dances
amid falling pork slabs. It's
Singin' in the SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

846.
Hormel accused of
using fake pork. New York Post's
headline: SHAM SPAM SCAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

847.
SPAM on a Sunday
Breakfast, brunch, and dinner, too
Then, a SPAM dessert

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

848.
Logged onto Archive
From Cyber Cafe, NY.
Read my own haiku.

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

849.
Mint tea, SPAM, and me
Wintergreen flavored porky
Reuse bag and SPAM

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

850.
Ran a race with SPAM
Almost at the finish line
SPAM's victorious

--Jenifer Kramer, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

851.
"What is your problem,
SPAM-for-brains?" cried the waiter.
"We don't serve SPAM here!"

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

852.
Howard Johnson's bans
Sale of SPAM. HO-JO has gone
Upscale. That's too bad.

--Alex Dunne, Jenifer Kramer, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

853.
Rainy, humid day.
Makes me sticky, and moist, too.
I feel like a SPAM.

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

854.
Sick day at the fair.
Must have been something I ate.
Should have stuck with SPAM!

--Jenifer Kramer, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

855.
"spinal tap" on stage:
drummer had too much lunch SPAM
you know what happened

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

856.
saxophonists find
reeds made of SPAM give vague tones
but always stay moist

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

857.
Joe Zawinul is
hungry: eats much SPAM--"Mercy
mercy mercy" penned

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

858.
James Brown's diet gives
added zip: hardest working
SPAM in show business!

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

859.
James Brown convicted
of wife beating: "damn woman
just cooks SPAM surprise"

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

860.
strange pink fluid flows
from African trees: fizzy
morning "treet"--SPAM wine

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

861.
early century
minstrels performed pig folk tales
by using SPAMface

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

862.
food for the hungry
pink slab in a yellow can
or in a blue can

--Alan McCollough, fineline@alaska.net

863.
Hazelnut latté
deep-fried SPAM-and-egg sandwich
with onions to boot!

--Alan McCollough, fineline@alaska.net

864.
Went to a party
Barbecued SPAM was tasty
much to my suprise

--Alan McCollough, fineline@alaska.net

865.
The starving people
They ate SPAM in Waterworld
No wonder it flopped

--Alan McCollough, fineline@alaska.net

866.
rounded corner box
designed before computers
SPAM pre-PageMaker

--Alan McCollough, fineline@alaska.net

867.
roller skating crash
a broken arm resulting
SPAM was not to blame

--Alan McCollough, fineline@alaska.net

868.
kitty kitty cat
"eat this 'cuz it's good for you"
vomit on the floor

--Alan McCollough, fineline@alaska.net

869.
A SPAM can in hand
"Domestic Violence Rise"
Seized as evidence

--Alan McCollough, fineline@alaska.net

870.
first air disaster
recorded in history
SPAM was served as meal

--Alan McCollough, fineline@alaska.net

871.
When I was a kid
My mom made baked SPAM with cloves
like a little ham

--Alan McCollough, fineline@alaska.net

872.
Cubed, sliced, hot, or cold.
My mom popped the tops and twirled.
Proudly raised on SPAM.

--Alan McCollough, fineline@alaska.net

873.
Sneakers full of SPAM
Pantload of mumbling mayor
And we all fall down

--A Notchor 2, in Boston

874.
SPAM on cracker snack
causes college flatulence
The Whiffenpoof Song

--WhaarfRat@aol.com

875.
Bright lights and cruel cops
grill the suspect pork product.
It doesn't confess.

--WhaarfRat@aol.com

876.
Cuba's working class
revolutionary--SPAM
(Fidel Pork Product)

--WhaarfRat@aol.com

877.
Bold tower of flesh
Why do you hide in a can?
Fear of ingestion?

--Bart Thielges, bart.thielges@xilinx.com

878.
No, Fishel, not in
My New World Order. Read my
Lips: no SPAM taxes.

--Martin "George Bush" Booda, booda@datasync.com

879.
Wednesday, ten A.M.
Cloudy in Los Angeles.
Joe: "Just the facts, SPAM."

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

880.
SPAM, the lifetime dream
but it may seem to be fake
guess what, your are right!

--Anonymous

881.
Where's Jimmy Hoffa?
Buy a can of SPAM, my friend--
Corpus delicti.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

882.
SPAM muse run amok!
Received a SPAMectomy.
Feeling better now.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

883.
You piqued our int'rest
with your cool SPAM-ku contest.
We submitted pearls.

--Lillian & Hamid Samadani

884.
Casting before swine?
Eagerly anticipate,
yet same ones again.

--Lillian & Hamid Samadani

885.
Booda and Fishel
debate the proposed SPAM tax
on the next Crossfire.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

886.
"The Empty Plate"--A
kitchen for anorexics.
Cold SPAM is main course.

--Anonymous

887.
Lollapalooza...
hodgepodge of five poseur bands.
"Hole" smells like old SPAM.

--Anonymous

888.
Garbage man in pain.
Slipped on puddle of SPAM spoo.
Warm and slick texture.

--Anonymous

889.
I do doubt I will
ever see, a meat mix as
repugnant as thee...

--Anonymous

890.
A cream, pink, and brown
meat in the ice cream section.
NeopoliSPAM.

--Anonymous

891.
Lover's gone away.
Was it something that I did?
SPAM burp while kissing.

--Anonymous

892.
Misread through the years,
"SPAM of Amontillado"--
Poe's private pleasure.

--Anonymous

893.
Kevin Costner's fave.
SPAM substitute in movie:
Holds wet can of "S'MEAT."

--Anonymous

894.
Grandma cooks us lunch.
Mystery meat in pink broth.
The cheese IS dripping!

--Anonymous

895.
Root of all evil?
Minced scraps for Halloween Lunch.
Just one word: SPAMHAIN!

--Anonymous

896.
Courtney Love eats SPAM.
Her lovers die, one by one.
Oral sex, SPAM queef.

--Anonymous

897.
Bulimia plate.
Courtney Love wants to lose weight.
Live through this SPAM meal.

--Anonymous

898.
Courtney Love's bleeding.
SPAM discharge is the NEW pose!
Red gelatin flow.

--Anonymous

899.
Courtney Love holds can.
SPAM spokesperson making dough.
Sickest pose of all!

--Anonymous

900.
"Spam" is a good song
by Weird Al Yankovic. Have
you heard it? You should.

--Daniel Stuber