SPAM Haiku 8601-8700

Move backwards to Numbers 8501-8600.

8601.
I had a blind date
I asked her if she swallowed
"Everything but SPAM"

--Uncle Jay

8602.
Here are the lab tests
Forensics say it is SPAM
We found the killer

--Uncle Jay

8603.
Four out of five kids
Wish they never heard the words
School, grounded, and SPAM

--Uncle Jay

8604.
A piece of pink meat
With natural lubricant
And I can't do what???

--Uncle Jay

8605.
No one should be rushed
Never let SPAM cross your lips
Unless you're ready

--Uncle Jay

8606.
Why is it darling
That every time we make love
You scream out SPAM's name?

--Uncle Jay

8607.
Put SPAM in the fridge
Uncovered. It will not spoil
For it's not real food.

--Uncle Jay

8608.
We did a study
Here's a cross section of SPAM
Notice all the fat

--Uncle Jay

8609.
Shopping at the store
"Mom, what's saline solution?"
"Do they bottle SPAM?"

--Uncle Jay

8610.
Before a ball game
My mom would cook us some SPAM
We would never win

--Uncle Jay

8611.
Can SPAM clean your stove?
Industrial-strength cleaner
Dilute with water

--Uncle Jay

8612.
Ring. "Hello?" "Hello!"
"My name is SPAM. Got a sec'?"
"Honey, it's for you."

--Uncle Jay

8613.
To my dearest SPAM
Having a blast in Maui
I wish you were here

--Uncle Jay

8614.
Sticks. Maybe it's stones
You can kill two birds with one
Well, maybe it's SPAM

--Uncle Jay

8615.
I look up at clouds
And see many funny shapes
SPAM clouds are scary

--Uncle Jay

8616.
What the hell is this?
Last night you burn the soufflé
Now you give me SPAM!

--Uncle Jay

8617.
There are SPAM haiku
There are people who eat SPAM
My question is WHY???

--Uncle Jay

8618.
I'm singing a song
A ballad about love lost
When my SPAM passed on

--Uncle Jay

8619.
"Now the ink-blot test.
Tell me the first thing you see."
"Gooey globs of ham."

--Uncle Jay

8620.
I ate SPAM daily
My body chemistry changed
Spamatozoa

--Uncle Jay

8621.
John Steinbeck's last book
About the production of
SPAM: Of Mice and Pigs

--Uncle Jay

8622.
Places set for two
She and I we dine on SPAM
Romance in a can

--Jan van der Banck

8623.
Composing sweet tunes
Makes me hunger for the SPAM
Music and SPAM rule

--Dr. William Boyce

8624.
You're a heretic
You dare say that SPAM sucks dick
Burn her at the stake

--Pope Spam the I

8625.
I play hard to get
I tease men with lots of SPAM
They bend to my whim

--Meagan Neary

8626.
Sweet ...Slippery...Pink
My passion sated, I sleep.
Wham, bam thank you SPAM

--David Collins, dcollins@sd.znet.com

8627.
Man accused of crime:
What will his punishment be?
"SPAM? NO! JUST SHOOT ME!"

--Andrew 'IMP' Weinman, aaweinma@coe.edu

8628.
I'm on vacation.
How do I spend it? Sleeping?
No--I write for SPAM.

--Andrew 'IMP' Weinman, aaweinma@coe.edu

8629.
Even starving kids
Will not reach a withered hand
To eat this canned puke.

--Andrew 'IMP' Weinman, aaweinma@coe.edu

8630.
"Look out! It's coming!"
What? Some monster from the deep?
NO! IT'S SPAMZILLA!!!

--Andrew 'IMP' Weinman, aaweinma@coe.edu

8631.
My roommate has SPAM:
It lies uneaten, lurking.
I think it hates me.

--Andrew 'IMP' Weinman, aaweinma@coe.edu

8632.
H.P. Lovecraft--why?
SPAM's such a frightening thing!
Make SPAM a god, man!!!

--Andrew 'IMP' Weinman, aaweinma@coe.edu

8633.
One can of pure SPAM.
Not even the raven will
deign to eat that shit.

--Andrew 'IMP' Weinman, aaweinma@coe.edu

8634.
I'm sick of this stuff!!
What creature of darkness thought
SPAM was a good choice??

--Andrew 'IMP' Weinman, aaweinma@coe.edu

8635.
"Remember the MAINE!"
SPAM-mish American War
had to start somehow.

--John C. Foster, john.foster@camel.com

8636.
Punxsutawney Phil
saw his shadow...back to sleep.
Six more weeks of SPAM.

--John C. Foster, john.foster@camel.com

8637.
like an icy road
greasy meat slides on a plate...
it's the gelatin

--TJ, troy.janisch@onlinearts.net

8638.
Twelve hours of labor
Greasy pink cube from the womb
Dad slaps the doctor

--Seathrun O Coileain, jcollins@verona.fammed.wisc.edu

8639.
Staring at the SPAM,
I understand why he's a
vegetarian.

--TJ, troy.janisch@onlinearts.net

8640.
Pathologist finds
vivisection embodied
in salty pink meat.

--Seathrun O Coileain, jcollins@verona.fammed.wisc.edu

8641.
My tonsils are gone.
On hospital loading dock:
A box for Hormel.

--TJ, troy.janisch@onlinearts.net

8642.
A new morning comes
I awake and go outside
The SPAM rains have come!

--Ryan M. Williams

8643.
jack kerouac, why?
did not you see the evil
on the road with spam

--daemonkat, armygirl@hotmail.com

8644.
traveling around
lugging blue and swollen cans
swarming at boarders

--daemonkat, armygirl@hotmail.com

8645.
the titanic sank
drowning in obscure jelly
flowing from spam cans

--daemonkat, armygirl@hotmail.com

8646.
listen to the can
swelling with vile porcine mass
set me on china

--daemonkat, armygirl@hotmail.com

8647.
stay up late for this
watch the chunk of pink slide off
is it self-repelled?

--daemonkat, armygirl@hotmail.com

8648.
slipping on the floor
cats play with my spam gently
running away fast

--daemonkat, armygirl@hotmail.com

8649.
the gel sets his hair
he likes the smell of new spam
dripping on his brow

--daemonkat, armygirl@hotmail.com

8650.
greased well with old spam
soon twine runs around his neck
what a way to die

--daemonkat, armygirl@hotmail.com

8651.
i look into space
seeing cans of death floating
we kill pigs for this?

--daemonkat, armygirl@hotmail.com

8652.
it will not save me,
why should we believe in spam?
it shall never die.

--daemonkat, armygirl@hotmail.com

8653.
you cram for a test
why is it crammed in your mouth
the spam thanks you not

--daemonkat, armygirl@hotmail.com

8654.
taste of spam first time
you can see the salt flowing
your tongue, disgusted

--daemonkat, armygirl@hotmail.com

8655.
Checkered tablecloth
Frames the choice charcuterie
"SPAM for dinner, Beav!"

--Catherine L.T.

8656.
The least I could do
for Polly Esther Fabrique
and her great SPAM page.

--IronSpam, leebro69@hotmail.com

8657.
just a can of "meat"
now makes my little heart beat
thanks to you, Polly

--IronSpam, leebro69@hotmail.com

8658.
can in my window
juicy "meat" in my oven
I wait patiently

--IronSpam, leebro69@hotmail.com

8659.
Gotta love Spamku
How many can I submit?
Only the SHAM knows

--IronSpam, leebro69@hotmail.com

8660.
Could it all be true...
that other's can love SPAM too?
I can rhyme here, right?

--IronSpam, leebro69@hotmail.com

8661.
Inert element
Spicy pinkness incarnate
Everlasting food

--'Sensei' Healy, Repto@aol.com

8662.
Hormel makes me sing
Tune your harps to songs of SPAM
Melody of meat

--Dr. Thomas Arne

8663.
It's Spamarama
A celebration of SPAM
I will not be there

--Martin "Walrus" Williams, martin.williams@mailexcite.com

8664.
Greasy slithering
most repulsive thing I have
ever eaten. Ugh!

--Anonymous

8665.
SPAM requires frying.
Primordial ooze--I retch.
Cook until crispy!

--J.C. Vaughn

8666.
Bold, glistening, oh!!
Fruitless and versatile pile.
Mold it with bare hands.

--Chris Ellis, cellis@coair.com

8667.
Eat it and smile wide.
You, you pig eater....maybe.
Wipe SPAM oil on chest.

--Chris Ellis, cellis@coair.com

8668.
A man among men
Hairy chested now, oh yeah!
SPAM has made me proud.

--Chris Ellis, cellis@coair.com

8669.
Winnie-the-Pooh goo
Processed pink bladder and thigh.
Not just kids' books now.

--Chris Ellis, cellis@coair.com

8670.
SPAM in the can is
Soothing between my fat thighs
Ah, feels like I'm home

--Kelsey, kelsey@tiac.com

8671.
Snouts, asses, and toes
Are hidden within the mix
Miss you, Miss Piggy

--Kelsey, kelsey@tiac.com

8672.
Yes, Bill does eat SPAM
On the Oval Office desk
She is Monica

--Kelsey, kelsey@tiac.com

8673.
Pink porcine pudding
Pleasant, pungeant, purgative
Pass the pot, pronto!

--Kelsey, kelsey@tiac.com

8674.
Grinding blood and guts
Into a blue canned meat mass
Served at school lunches

--Kelsey, kelsey@tiac.com

8675.
I am having sex
But I'm thinking about pork
I need a cat-SPAM

--Uncle Jay

8676.
Big flaccid phallus
My male ego is damaged
SPAM now in my pants

--Uncle Jay

8677.
Humpty Dumpty fell
Why did he lose his balance?
Strict diet of SPAM

--Uncle Jay

8678.
Creation of Man:
'Tis Darwin or the Bible?
Who cares? I have SPAM.

--Uncle Jay

8679.
"Who?" asked the brown owl.
"SPAM," answered the compressed pig.
"Why?" asked the wise owl.

--Uncle Jay

8680.
She practiced on SPAM
But she refused to swallow
More practice needed

--Uncle Jay

8681.
My feet are freezing
And so is my can of SPAM
I'll warm up my feet

--Uncle Jay

8682.
"Spiced pork. Good idea.
But SPORK is a utensil.
So what about SPAM?"

--Uncle Jay

8683.
The true face of death
Seen on the darkest of nights
The SPAM reaper lurks

--Uncle Jay

8684.
When I'm out shredding
Great white sharks don't bother me
Surfboard by Hormel

--Uncle Jay

8685.
To juggle SPAM cubes:
I keep going, I have fun
They fall, ants have fun

--Uncle Jay

8686.
Possible meaning:
Some Penis and Anus Meat
Cook it or flush it?

--Uncle Jay

8687.
Confession is logged
Interrogation complete
The SPAM worked again

--Uncle Jay

8688.
"Can we have pizza?"
"SPAM, SPAM, a thousand times SPAM!"
We hate our parents.

--Uncle Jay

8689.
Salt pork and insects
It's James and the Giant SPAM
Fly away, sweet meat

--Uncle Jay

8690.
SPAM 9, SPAM 14
Literal pigskin football
Gelatinous hike

--Uncle Jay

8691.
"Oh, my heart! Help me!"
Pretty soon no one believed
The boy who cried SPAM

--Uncle Jay

8692.
"When I was your age,
We didn't have fancy SPAM
We had to use keys."

--Uncle Jay

8693.
You don't poop out SPAM
It digests and stays inside
Embalming solid

--Uncle Jay

8694.
It's too young to know
Miss Robinson seduces
An innocent SPAM

--Uncle Jay

8695.
Hot bodies glisten
Gelatin sex orgasms
They throw out the meat

--Uncle Jay

8696.
"Mom, I'm not hungry."
Ma beaver won't hear of it.
"Eat your dam, SPAM it."

--Uncle Jay

8697.
Are You Going To
Scarborough Fair? Parsley, Sage
Rosemary, and SPAM.

--Uncle Jay

8698.
Pink is a color
But when it's color for SPAM
Pink's a chemical

--Uncle Jay

8699.
Hormel is pissed off
Swanson's Hungry-SPAM dinner
Lawyers licking lips

--Uncle Jay

8700.
The nuclear bombs burst
There are two things left on Earth
Cockroaches and SPAM

--Uncle Jay