2.
Ears, snouts and innards,
A homogeneous mass--
Pass another slice.
3.
Pink tender morsel,
Glistening with salty gel.
What the hell is it?
4.
Cube of cold pinkness
Yellow specks of porcine fat
Give me a spork, please
5.
Old man seeks doctor:
"I eat SPAM daily," he decries
ANGIOPLASTY
6.
Highly unnatural,
The tortured shape of this "food"
...A small pink coffin.
16.
SPAM can do it all.
Need a fake amputation?
SPAM can do it all.
17.
What are the clear parts?
My mind reels, thoughts turn to hooves.
I'd best just eat it.
33.
Mom cooked SPAM Surprise.
Pink grease, smothered in mustard...
I still fear mustard.
39.
There are worse things than
A SPAM-limited diet.
Like coprophagy.
65.
Fallout Shelter Blues:
bound, I witness friends unearth
hidden stash of SPAM.
79.
Lost in the desert
I stumbled on piles of SPAM
No key to be seen
82.
Downed U.S. pilot,
survival kit full of SPAM,
eats ants, sucks wool socks.
112.
Oh when will SPAM cans
Display our lovely haiku
Printed on the back?
114.
SPAMs stick well to glass
Leaving such glorious smears
When finally moved
117.
Split the SPAM atom
Enormous pink mushroom cloud
World covered in pork
119.
I put my shoes on
But remembered far too late
My secret SPAM stash
122.
I took SPAM to work
They fired me--so be warned
It's not meant as clothes
133.
Why is it we find
A block made of pork pieces
To be so funny?
135.
I have some SPAM wine
A nineteen-ninety vintage
It's still quite lumpy
136.
My shoes have SPAM soles
I wear SPAM jeans shirts and ties
but my socks are wool
137.
I balanced the cans
then struck a pose upon them
The crowd was impressed
138.
Someone please tell me
Do they have to starve the pigs
When making SPAM LITE?
139.
I talk to my SPAM
Sometimes it even talks back
Doctor gave me pills
141.
Put SPAM in my ears
Embarrassed to see doctor
What was that you said?
145.
Made a SPAM puppet
To entertain my doggie
Need a new hand now
224.
Sunset placid pond
where campers often linger--
rusted can of SPAM
225.
Memories of days
waiting in employment lines--
long days without SPAM
260.
SHAM, you bastard, you've
wrecked my life. Now my time's spent
writing SPAM haiku.
278.
I scolded my SPAM
because it left the seat up--
repeat offender.
293.
Bones, blood, and sinew.
Eyeballs, gonads, and sphincters.
Could be anything.
294.
Group of friends cooking
SPAM around campfire: "It don't
get no better'n this!"
300.
SPAM Symmetry Group:
top bottom, left right, up down
Iso-tasty moves.
318.
Burnt or buried dear?
We had him spammed just like Dad
Can I have a slice?
336.
Make six cuts through SPAM,
get twenty-seven SPAMS: this
is not food for thought.
339.
Grow some SPAM of your
own, amigo; grow some SPAM
of your own at home.
361.
Leaning to kiss her,
Smelling her breath, I thought of
Love and luncheon loaf.
365.
Driving with Ute friends.
Miles of silence pass before,
"Price of SPAM is up."
370.
Crowds of refugees,
Starving. UN airdrops SPAM.
Muslims flee from planes.
421.
SPAM in the suburbs,
Ethnic icon in the can--
Caucasian Soul Food!
424.
At the Last Supper,
Apostles order the SPAM.
"Christ! It tastes like shit!"
430.
Who invented SPAM?
Demented Rabbi, crazed Jew
Angry at his God?
432.
Forty year-old man,
Pathetic, hunched at the screen.
Writing SPAM haiku.
449.
SPAM frying in lard
The whir of the kitchen fan
Summer of my youth
452.
The dragons gather
On Komodo at sunrise.
SPAM--who needs a goat?
467.
I once planted SPAM
It reached long for the blue sky
Victory garden
471.
I hear the SPAM ball
It bounces, porqua, porqua
A haiku of spring
481.
Leering old codger
Entreats young girl from doorway--
"Want a piece of SPAM...?"
486.
Autoerotic!
Open can, insert member:
Wham, bam, thank you SPAM!
514.
Descartes on pig parts
Says: "I'm pink, therefore I'm SPAM"
Deep philosophy
517.
acidic heartburn
a boat disappears in mist
traces of old SPAM
547.
The SPAM muse came back
Like a SPAM breakfast returns
just before lunchtime
564.
Worse than eating SPAM?
Watching your father-in-law
eat a trout head. (Crunch.)
565.
Clear chunk waits inside.
It rises!? -- No, just a dream.
Entropy triumphs.
588.
Schrödinger's SPAM: One
minute the pork snouts are dead.
The next, they're alive!
603.
Hold tight, street person!
Wise-ass crow on the dumpster
is eyeing your SPAM.
611.
SPAM's own irony
Is that its haiku's never
Worse than SPAM itself
614.
Zen Buddhist SPAM quest:
"What are the ingredients?"
What do you desire?
628.
Bum with hole in shoe
Finds Elmer's and SPAM. Eats glue,
patches hole with SPAM.
630.
Salvador Dali
Paints soft, drooping cans of pork:
"Persistence of SPAM."
633.
Three men in lifeboat.
No food 'cept SPAM. Hour later:
Two men in lifeboat.
635.
In Heart of Darkness
Kurtz eats SPAM. "The horror..." Then:
"Mistah Kurtz--he dead!"
673.
one nibble of SPAM
beasts run wild in my bloodstream
pork and sodium
680.
Blanche to Stan: "I have
Always depended upon
The SPAM of strangers."
683.
Globules of chopped SPAM
Operation Rescue flaunts
In front of clinic.
685.
Pregnant woman eats
SPAM. Remnants flow through system.
Hear the Silent Scream.
710.
Do you see pig snouts
Or a fine meal? It's a pork
product Rashomon.
711.
A pink obelisk
comes to the apes. It imparts
both wisdom and SPAM.
718.
M. C. Escher's SPAM:
Pig-snout stairs run in circles.
Ever-rising pork.
720.
Don Vito orders
horse-head surprise. "Make him a
SPAM he can't refuse."
726.
Senator Exon
Downloads SPAM GIFs from archive,
Soils the Senate floor.
760.
Coltrane nixes the
carrot juice; tries SPAM cocktail.
writes "A Loaf Supreme"
763.
SPAM is not a gift.
When you eat, just remember:
It's only a loan.
764.
Ornette's harmony
some say "indigestible!"
it's SPAMolodics
774.
brasiliana
amorphously glistening
the sound of Spam Getz
786.
New SPAM cigarettes
introduce a new health risk:
Second-hand nitrates.
795.
Count sheep to find sleep.
Lambs turn to pigs, then pig parts...
Nightmare! Free-range SPAM!
812.
SPAM on shelf: break seal!
Sitting on the plate: break-fast!
In-testines: break wind!
838.
Does SPAM contain tongues?
When you eat it, does it taste
you as you taste it?
842.
Murder mystery
solved: Colonel Mustard in the
ballroom with the SPAM.
846.
Hormel accused of
using fake pork. New York Post's
headline: SHAM SPAM SCAM.
875.
Bright lights and cruel cops
grill the suspect pork product.
It doesn't confess.
888.
Garbage man in pain.
Slipped on puddle of SPAM spoo.
Warm and slick texture.
921.
Santa finds my treat.
Warm milk and fresh batch of SPAM.
Ho, ho, holy shit!!!
922.
Fed my dog warm SPAM.
Pissed in shoes. Ate my wallet.
Bitter little fuck.
934.
New group to combat
substance abuse: MASH--Mothers
Against SPAM Haiku.
946.
"I want to gel you,"
breathed the short, squat, pink stranger.
Miss Hormel melted.