SPAM Haiku: The SHAM's Tasty Picks (Part 2)

Note: Please do not send mail bombs if your haiku is not included in this collection. It is, however, acceptable to send a slice of SPAM in an envelope as a gesture of protest. Remember, this is just one person's opinion as to what is cool. (And note that I do not include my own work here, since it is collected in separate files: SPAM haiku by the SHAM (1-100), SPAM haiku by the SHAM (101-200), and SPAM haiku by the SHAM (201- ).)

Go backwards to The SHAM's Tasty Picks (Part 1).


1011.
Wrote homework on SPAM
But when I tried to find it
Dog had eaten it

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1029.
Using only SPAM
Grandma made some tasty treats.
We set her on fire.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1030.
In order for it
To be shaped that way something
Has to extrude it.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1034.
I allowed the SPAM
To slide to toilet from can
Saved time and trouble

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1038.
The Lord is my swine-
herd; I shall not want. He forms
me to fit in tins.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1039.
He makes a green fringe
About my rind. He packs me
In the spring waters.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1040.
He synthesizes
My flavor; He scrapes me from
The slaughterhouse floor.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1041.
Yea, though I trot towards
The abattoir, I will fear
no disembowelment.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1042.
For Thou standest o'er
Me; Thy cudgel and Thy knife
They do dispatch me.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1043.
Thou preparest a
Dish of me in the presence
Of my predators.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1044.
Thou anointest my
Slices with mayonnaise; my
Grease runneth over.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1045.
Surely parsley and
Cloves will garnish me all the
Days of my shelflife.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1046.
And I will dwell in
Plaque-encrusted arteries
Forever. Amen.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1060.
The National SPAM
Association protects
your right to bear SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1062.
Second NSA
slogan: "SPAMs don't kill people;
fry cooks kill people."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1072.
"Life is like a tin
of SPAM: you never know which
pig parts you're getting."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1074.
I say "to-may-to"
you say "to-mah-to." I say
"SPAM," you say "pure crap."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1078.
A madman, obsessed
by SPAM, screams, "Stop me before
I haiku again."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1111.
"A SPAM murder, Holmes?
Whither the murder weapon?"
"Alimentary."

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1199.
Formless spawn of pork,
Leers with gelatinous gaze,
Taunting my lean soul.

--William Bradford, tslug@peak.org

1245.
If Hormel branched out
With new meat types, we might see
Spicken, Spish, or Speef.

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1278.
U.S. Air Force tests
Blasting SPAM at plane windshields
Should have opened can

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1287.
They enjoyed the stew
But when offered SPAM ice cream
My dinner guests left.

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1321.
Economy class.
The entrée choice: SPAM or SPAM.
Oh, look! Parachutes!

--Bill Lafferty, mr_bill@ix.netcom.com

1344.
Oh meaty poundcake
beads of pork syrup shimmer
I found some gristle

--Whit Fisher, fisher@voyagerco.com

1395.
Knock knock. "Trick or Treat!"
Winking, I said "Here's your 'Treet'."
The brats torched my house.

--Bill Lafferty, mr_bill@ix.netcom.com

1402.
Roseate pork slab
How you quiver on my spork!
Radiant light, gelled.

--L. Sheahen, lsheahen@nas.edu

1421.
Critics will scoff: "These
aren't real haiku." We'll retort,
"So? SPAM ain't real meat."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1445.
Spamasaurus Rex
cloned from old loaves' DNA
in Jurassic Pork.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1454.
How my hands tremble
Applying a light coat of
SPAM-colored lipstick

--lsheahen

1456.
Offices grow still:
A million hands type haiku.
A good day at work.

--lsheahen

1462.
you can buy a nice
prostitute in vietnam
for a can of spam

--heightj@coral.indstate.edu

1473.
A soft pink layer
amid the stratigraphy:
artifact and lunch.

--Anonymous

1482.
New campaign platform
Universal health care plan
SPAM in every pot

--Anonymous

1520.
The tucked tin too tight
Wobbly waif of porcine pink
Pearly tine waster

--Al Burns, coppeea1@europa.com

1521.
Drunk crippled Ewok,
Dead on sidewalk, piss-drenched fur,
SPAM just out of reach

--Charles Campos, chaz@mailserv.edcc.edu

1574.
Turkey-shaped SPAM for
Thanksgiving dinner. None give
thanks but the turkey.

--John St. Croix, JSTCROIX@HR.HOUSE.GOV

1663.
Pepto-Bismol / SPAM
One yin to the other's yang
Pink pursuing pink

--Bill Turner, turnerwj@muohio.edu

1666.
I ate Kung Pao SPAM.
Chunks sliding off my chopsticks.
Order rice instead.

--Mike McGaff

1674.
Malignant dwarf stands,
Pitchfork ready, on blood-caked
Hormel loading dock.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1677.
Ist es nur das Fleisch,
oder wahrlich der Heiland?
Was ist diesen "SPAM"?

--Dave "Rilke" Bieri, BIERI@IDX.IDX.COM

1678.
¿Es carne solo,
o tal vez un salvador?
¿Que es esto "SPAM"?

--Dave "Neruda" Bieri, BIERI@IDX.IDX.COM

1679.
Ceci, jambon seule,
ou vraiment un sauveur, non?
Qu'est-ce que c'est le "SPAM"?

--Dave "Baudelaire" Bieri, BIERI@IDX.IDX.COM

1680.
Prosciutto solo,
o salvatore vero?
Che fa questo "SPAM"?

--Dave "Guarini" Bieri, BIERI@IDX.IDX.COM

1681.
Is it just some meat,
or maybe the true savior?
What is this here "SPAM"?

--Dave "Faulkner" Bieri, BIERI@IDX.IDX.COM

1682.
Wist not that a ham
hideth th'immaculate Lamb?
Myst'ry, Thou art "SPAM"!

--Dave "Milton" Bieri, BIERI@IDX.IDX.COM

1688.
Three little piggies
Went to market. Chop, chop, chop.
Well, well. I'll be spammed!

--Mike O`Connor (K.M.O`Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1691.
Green, blue, dark brown crust
Behind the curdled low-fat
Last New Year's SPAM dip

--Chris Meagher, meagher@cimmetry.mfg.sgi.com

1692.
Circled by Triscuits
Abbatoir aroma thick
The Pillar of Oink

--Chris Meagher, meagher@cimmetry.mfg.sgi.com

1704.
French waitress nearby
Didn't smile when asked for SPAM
"What is her problem?"

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1705.
"Rogue A-meri-caan,
Hye can tak hyis SPAM, shove IT!
I wheel no serve hyim!"

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1735.
what is the sound of
one spam clapping in the wood?
would it pork or chop?

--Anonymous

1749.
God said, "SPAM thou art
And to SPAM thou doth return.
(After some grinding.)"

--Stephen Price Masticola, masticol@scr.siemens.com

1752.
Opening the can
Provides a sense of wonder:
"Who has lost their lunch?"

--Reber Clark, rebermuse@aol.com

1762.
Hold-up at Safeway.
Gunman points Gatling at mum.
"Unhand that SPAM, mame."

--Mike O`Connor (K.M.O`Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1774.
Not-so-wise Man brings
SPAM. Manger doorknob hits his
Ass on the way out.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1789.
Eat or be eaten.
With SPAM, you can never be
sure who is winning.

--Ben Hitz, hitz@cumbnd.bioc.columbia.edu

1800.
Stretched stale meniscus
over opened rusted tin,
drummed disgusting din.

--Rory, Son of Mickman

1831.
What is this SPAM loaf?
It is the piece that passeth
All understanding.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1832.
Fuchsia and chartreuse
The breakfast of champions
SPAM and Mountain Dew

--Bill Turner, turnerwj@muohio.edu

1833.
AMSPay aikuhay
Ogicallay Anguagelay:
Igpay Atinlay.

--Artinmay Oodabay, booda@datasync.com

1864.
Frigate drops SPAM charge.
Sub responds with sausages.
Missiles meet. Elope.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1878.
Tree leans and then falls--
one too many cans of SPAM
hanging on far side.

--Paul W. Lewis, pp001342@interramp.com

1886.
Jessica Fletcher
Finds body with SPAM beside.
Suicide? Murder?

--Suzanne Schufletowski

1902.
Grandma Hormel hissed
To Little Pink Riding Hog,
"Trot off and get canned."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1904.
Hormel's Bay of Pigs.
Again the world holds its breath.
SPAM missiles turned back!

--Rory, son of mickman

1933.
SPAM, the perfect grub
For soldiers marching to war.
They'll kill for real food.

--Mike McGaff

1954.
"Have some SPAM, darling?"
"No thanks, dear, too rich for me."
La politesse, non?

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1962.
It appears brick-like,
But it is more pliable;
The brick tastes better.

--Greg O'Rear, jgo.systems@mhs.unc.edu

1963.
When you fry a slab
It seems to form a red scab
And grease oozes out.

--Greg O'Rear, jgo.systems@mhs.unc.edu

1967.
Hormel gave us SPAM;
My question is: how do we
Get back at Hormel?

--Greg O'Rear, jgo.systems@mhs.unc.edu

1981.
SPAM SHAM arrested
for "Incitement to Haiku"
and "Contempt of Pork."

--Rory, son of mickman

1985.
Went into garden.
Threw SPAM globs onto fish pond.
Carp hara kiri.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk


Go on to The SHAM's Tasty Picks (Part 3).
Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.