As the Shadow Shifts

Oblique

Next, a new feature, which may or not may become a recurring feature. It depends mostly on whether people send in questions to be dealt with.

Quote Scrying

We at As The Shadow Shifts have this answer for you: you can't.

However, due to advances in technology brought to us by one of our Very Own Zen Masters, we at As The Shadow Shifts are prepared to offer you, our readers, the Next Best Thing: Quote Scrying.

What's Quote Scrying, you ask? Well, this Zen Master has, over the years, collected a database of over 450 various quotes that he's found notable, amusing, or otherwise worthy of being collected. Additionally, he's written a small perl script to randomly pick one of these quotes. Quote Scrying is similar to Trump Scrying in that the six aspects of the question are answered, but different in the following two respects: 1. There is no such thing as an "inverted" quote. 2. Quotes may be repeated.

How would this work, you ask? Let's try with an example of a question that we at As The Shadow Shifts hear a lot lately:

So, like, when's the next issue of As The Shadow Shifts coming out anyways?

The Querant's Present Situation:

	Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as
        satisfying as an income tax refund.
                        -- F. J. Raymond

	Interpretation:  A reference to a narrow escape.  The obvious
interpretation is that the querant is currently avoiding death or
receiving an income tax refund check.


The Likely Outcome:

	Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
        (Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)

	Interpretation:  A reference to both Latin and profoundity.
The obvious interpretation is that the issue of As The Shadow Shifts
that you're reading right now is either the most profound one written
to date or, more likely, is written entirely in Latin.


The Querant's Pursuer:

	Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror,
        and you would not have been informed.

	Interpretation:  References to fleeing in terror and failing
to inform the querant of danger.  The obvious interpretation is that
the querant is being put up to asking this question by someone who is
aware of the death mentioned in the Querant's Present Situation, but
had failed to warn the querant of it, or has absconded with the
querant's income tax refund check.


That Which Inspires the Querant:

	Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as
        satisfying as an income tax refund.
                        -- F. J. Raymond

	Interpretation:  A reference to a narrow escape.  The querant
is obviously pleased to be escaping death, or is looking forward to
blowing that tax refund on a big party that all 3 Zen Masters will be
invited to.


That Which Seeks to Manipulate:

	One cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs -- but it is
        amazing how many eggs one can break without making a decent omelette.
                        -- Professor Charles P. Issawi

	Interpretation:  Reference to delicate situations sometimes
requiring the proper indelicate solution.  The obvious interpretation
is either that this issue of As The Shadow Shifts was delayed by the
editors attempting to brute force their way through situation
requiring delicate handling, or that Julia Child has been holding Your
Editor captive in her kitchen.


Pivot (sometimes the True Solution or Next Step):

	"This is not a snip-and-go by Dr. Blade. This is a full-load,
        blow-'em-away $432.98 vasectomy."
        -- promotional spot on WKQQ-FM (Lex., KY) for contest give-away


	Interpretation:  Fortunately, as often happens with Trump
Scries, the Pivot here is the most easily interpreted portion of the
Scry.  The obvious interpretation is that anyone who'd ask such a
silly question in the first place should be sterilized before they can
reproduce, or that the querant will soon receive a big surprise (but
one that they'll win for free)...

Wow! That was cool! How can I help, you ask? Well, while a database of 450+ quotes *is* impressive, it still doesn't come close to the number of Trumps owned by *either* Felicia or Nikrowd. So, send *your* favorite quotes to Zen Master Dave and if they meet his grueling criteria they too will be included in the quotes database....

You Feel The Beginnings of a Trump Contact...

Dear Shadow-Shifting Dudes,

Mikele is definitely the coolest character in your excellent series!
Of course this is partly because she's a Chaos Lord (Chaos is Cool!
And the Logrus has great potential for, well, you know).  It was
awesome the way she defeated Raynard and Corwin-suffix in single
combat at the same time in the Escape From Avalon issue, and disposed
of the Time Guardians by getting them arrested by the Genre Police,
and then keeping the GP busy filling out arrest reports and affidavits
for the Bureaucrats of Chaos until the End of Time in the not widely
distributed Whose Genre Is It, Anyway? issue.  I can't wait for the
Secret Origins issue!

Elric of Melvinbone


***

Well, yeah, Elric, you're right. For correctly identifying the answer,
you receive a retroactively inoperative invitation to go see
_The_Crow_ on opening night, a movie which just happens to have had
cinematography done by our very own illustrator. Unfortunately his
amazing work has been very difficult to distribute over ASCII-only
comm channels, but we have plans in the works for a World-Wide Web As
The Shadow Shifts Mosaic page, which should let you all see plenty of
his fabulous work.

***

Dear As The Shadow Shifts,

Is O'Beron an Irishman?

		Kevin Riley

***

It has been said many times that there are no stupid questions. To
those people who make this claim, I have a question of my own. If
there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid
people ask?

So we were sitting around playing poker with a deck of Tarot. I got a
full house, and four people died.

***

Dear Editor,

In your analysis of letter popularity, you forgot to mention the
possibilities of the fine letter D.  There are Dworkin, Dierdre,
Duplicate Dierdre (a double whammy), Dara, Dalamar, Delwin, Dalt,
Despil, Deela the Desecratrix (another double whammy), and Dave the
Hermit.  In the Auxiliary Corps we have Droppa MaPanz and Meg Devlin,
not to mention Dan Martinez.  Which just goes to show the close, nay,
intimate, relationship with the letter M, upon the significance of
which need not be remarked.

Oh, yeah.  We will bury you.  Bwahahahaha!

						Delwin


Well, so-called Mr. Delwin the Epithetless,

I find it remarkable that we must explicitly remind you (presumably
most of our other readers are fully aware of this) that virtually none
of the people you list come even vaguely close to existing, and many
of the other peoples' existences are in severe Doubt. Duplicate
Dierdre may not, for one. Dalt, Dave the Hermit, Deela the Desecratix,
Despil, and your entire Despicable Auxiliary Corps are figments of
your Deluded Daydreaming. Dworkin is Demented, we are Destitute of
Damsel Dara, Dierdre is Dead, and Diplomat Dalamar has Departed Dear
Demesgnes (or is that Des Moines?) Damn your Dastardly Deeds of Destruction.

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