Chapter Three
B
run had developed a habit of stopping by Esmays quarters"Your hair," she said, on one of her first visits. "Have you ever considered having it rerooted?"
Her hair had been an issue since childhood; before she could stop herself, she had run a hand over it trying to smooth it down. "No," Esmay said.
"Well, it would probably help," Brun said, cocking her own gold head to one side. "Youve got quite nice bones . . ."
"I have quite a nice lot of work to do, too," Esmay said. "If you dont mind." And was not sure which was worse, the insults or the casual way Brun slouched out, apparently not the least offended.
One evening, she arrived with Barin, who made some excuse and left, casting a lingering glance that Esmay wished she knew how to interpret.
"Hes nice," Brun said, settling herself on Esmays bunk as if she owned it.
"More than nice," Esmay said, trying unsuccessfully not to resent Bruns proprietary tone. Just what had Barin and Brun been doing?
"Handsome, courteous, clever," Brun went on. "Too bad hes only an ensignif he were your rank, hed be perfect for you. You could fall for him"
"I dont want to fall for anyone in that sense," Esmay said. She was uneasily aware that her ears felt warm. "Were colleagues"
Brun cocked an eyebrow. "Is Altiplano one of those places where no one can talk about sex?"
Her ears felt more than warm; her whole face burned. "One can," she said between clenched teeth. "Polite people, however, do not."
"Sorry," Brun said. She didnt look, or sound, very sorry. "But it must make it hard to talk about people, and to people. How do you indicate . . . preference?"
"I had none," Esmay said. That sounded bad, even to her. "I left my home world quite young," she added. That wasnt much better, but she couldnt think of anything that would help.
"Mmm. So when you met attractive young menor womenyou had only instinct to help you." Brun buffed her fingernails on her vest, and examined them critically. "And they say the men are the inarticulate ones."
"Youthatsrude."
"Is it?" Brun didnt sound concerned; she sounded arrogant. "If it seemed so to you, Im sorry. I didnt intend it that way. We dont have the same rules, you see."
"You must have some," Esmay said. Whatever they were, they didnt match Fleetsor Altiplanos.
"Well . . . it would be rude to discuss the grittier bits with someone who was not a friendor while eating."
Despite herself, Esmay wondered what Brun might mean by "grittier bits."
"And," Brun went on, "it would be rude to comment on someones genetic makeup as revealed in theirIm not sure what term wouldnt offend you. Body parts? Equipment?"
"Genetic makeup!" This was not what she had expected; curiosity overcame outrage.
"Whether theyre a Registered Embryo or not, and what the code is."
"You mean thats . . . visible?"
"Of course," Brun said, still in the superior tone that was raking Esmays patience. "Theres the registration mark, and the code number. How else are you going to be sure? Oh. You dont do that."
"Well, I certainly dont have any registration marks or numbers on me," Esmay said. The thought made her skin twitch, but curiosity was a worse torment. "Where?"
"Lower left abdomen," Brun said promptly. "Want to see?"
"No!" Esmay said, with more force than she intended.
"I didnt mean that," Brun said, not specifying. "But surely you haveI mean, youre older than I am."
"What I do is none of your business," Esmay said. "And I plan to keep it that way."
Brun opened her mouth and shut it again, then gave a little shrug that irritated Esmay as much as anything she might have said. She fished in one of her pockets and brought up a tangle of wire with a few plastic beads on it. "Hereknow what this is?"
"Havent a clue," Esmay said, glad to be off the topic of Barin.
"According to Ty, its a good-luck charm. I thought it was a chunk of obsolete electronics."
"Mmm." Esmay gave the little object a better look, then grinned.
"What?" Brun asked.
"Well . . . its a good-luck charm only under certain circumstances. That isthis is the sort of thing they gave us when we started the senior scan course. You were supposed to hang it updid Ty mention that?"
"Yesabove my desk, from the lamp bracket."
"Uh huh. What it is, underneath the distractions of bent wire and pretty beads, is a scan device. Along about week six, if you were doing your work, you would suddenly realize that it had been transmitting everything you did and said . . . and youd look upeveryone didand that picture of your sudden revelation went into the class scrapbook. The earlier, the better luck . . . theyd calculated the mean, and if you beat the mean, you got extra points, depending on how early you were."
"You mean its . . . spying on me?"
"Well, you knew you were under surveillance."
"I hate it!" Brun flung herself down, in a gesture that reminded Esmay of a childs petulant flounce. Esmay was not moved.
"So? You agreed"
"I agreed to have the stupid bodyguards around, not to have them putting illicit scan devices in my room. Damn them!"
Esmay felt much older than this spoiled girl. "Theyre doing their job . . . and youre not making it easier."
"Why should I?"
"Grow up!" It wasnt what shed meant to say, but she had been thinking it, and she couldnt hold it back any longer. To her surprise, Brun whitened as if Esmay had hit her.
"Im very sorry to have bothered you." She was up and out the door before Esmay could say anything. Esmay stared at the shut door a long moment. Should she apologize? Altiplano manners demanding apology for almost everything quarrelled with Serrano advice not to apologize too much; she wished she could talk to Barin about it, but she had to finish the calculations for a project in support planning. She forced herself to concentrate on the work, with the consoling thought that perhaps Brun would no longer want to be on her team.
But that hope disappeared when the study team assignments came out. Brun had managed, by whatever means the daughter of the Speaker of the Grand Council could use, to get herself assigned to Esmays team in the Escape and Evasion course. Esmay told herself that was unfair; it might not have taken any deviousness at all. Perhaps shed just asked, and theyd given. Bruns demeanor gave no clue; she gave her usual impression of complete unconcern.
"Your problem today is to assess the security problem associated with moving a high-risk individual from this room"Uhlis pointed at it on the diagram"to the shuttle port, which is here." A map graphic came up on the screen. "You have available the materials in the box on your table; you are briefing the head of the security detail in forty-five minutes. Go."
The first thing to do, the class rules declared, was to open the envelope in the box and find out who was commanding this exercise. To Esmays relief, it was neither Brun nor herself. Lieutenant Mardenwho had, though hastily, at least read the first assignmentseemed to have a basic grasp of the topic so far, as he handed out the materials to Esmay, Brun, and Vericour. They all set to work, and their presentation won a passing grade, though not a high one. Bruns failure to recognize a potential threat dropped their score, and Uhlis was unforgiving.
"The point of working as a team is for all of you to combine skills and knowledge, not to hide in your own narrow area of responsibility. Any of the rest of you could have noticed that Sera Meager had ignored the possibility of an aerial attack on the motor routeand should have."
Esmay felt the sting of that. She had wondered why Brun didnt mention itand she had said nothing, since she was trying to arrange the resources she supposedly had, none of which included anything she knew could take out aircars. But Uhliss greatest scorn fell on Lieutenant Marden, as their commander. By the time he was through, Esmay was afraid Marden would be in shreds on the floor . . . as it was, he disappeared rapidly after the lab, and showed up again only at dinner. Esmay took her tray to his table.
"I shouldve said something," she said. "I did wonder about air, but since I didnt have any resources to deal with an air attack"
"That was in my packet," Marden said. "If and only if someone mentioned it, I could call for reinforcements. I thought that meant I couldnt mention it myself, butas you heardthats not what it meant at all." He stared at his plate. "Im not really hungry. Sorry to lower your ratings average, though."
"Dont worry about that," Esmay said. "I think we were all too worried about stepping on each others territory. Wonder if all the other groups had the same problem."
"Well, from what I hear, no one got a satisfactory, let alone a commended. But I feel really stupid."
"I dont think" began Esmay. But Vericour appeared at the table.
"Do you think well have the same teams for the field exercise?" He sat down before either of them answered. "I hope notgetting the Speakers daughter through it safely is going to make it harder on us." He turned to Esmay. "Harder on you, in particular."
Esmay felt moved to defend Brun. "I dont knowshe has no military background, but she is smart and willing."
"And just about demonstrates rashness, from what I hear." Vericour reached for the condiment tray, and sprinkled galis sauce generously over his entire plate. Esmay sneezed as the sharp fumes went up her nose. "SorryI forget what this can do to sensitive noses. Mine went years ago."
"She is the Speakers daughter," Marden said, in a lower voice than Vericour had used.
"Well, yes. Shes also a celebrity in her own right, so she cant expect not to be talked about. Shes always on some newsflash or other. You know they have a team here covering her training."
"She cant help that," Esmay said. "Theyre always after prominent people, and she is good-looking"
"Shes spectacular," Vericour said. "But I cant see her sneaking across anything unobserved, can you?"
"She got from Rotterdam back to Rockhouse Major" Marden said.
"Yes, back when no one imagined a girl like that would work her passage on an ag ship. Now they knowand you can bet she wont do that again." He turned back to Esmay. "Do you follow the newsflashes, Esmay?"
"No," Esmay said. She had never paid much attention to the gossipy newsflashes, with their emphasis on fashion and celebrity.
"Well . . . if you had, youd have seen Brun Meager in everything from formal gowns to skinsuits, posing elegantly on a horse or lounging by a picturesque beach. Flatpics of her are probably in more lockers than anyone but actual storycube stars."
Great. Someone else who thought she was astoundingly beautiful. Esmay could picture every flaw in that face and bodynot that there were many.
"But except for the daring rescue of the most noble Lady Cecelia"that sounded like a quote from someones purple prose"nothing Ive read suggests she had any real sense. So now were stuck with her . . ."
"If the teams are the same," Marden said. "Maybe they arent."
"Maybe they arent, but Ill bet Esmay ends up on the same team. Theyll want to put another woman on her team, and who else would they put? Taras? Dont make me laugh. Taras wouldnt have a chance with Brun Meager. No, theyll put the best they have, and thats you, mdear." Vericour bowed, grinning. Esmay felt embarrassed. How could she deal with this? It did not help that Brun chose that moment to appear at their table.
"Wont do you any good to flirt with Suiza," she said to Vericour, apparently apropos of the bow. "But you could always flirt with me."
Vericour spread his hands, rolled his eyes, and then mimed a swoon; everyone laughed but Esmay. It was funny, but she was too conscious of the vivid intensity next to her to enjoy it.
"Could I talk to you a bit?" Brun said, turning to her with a more serious expression than usual. Under the eyes of the others, Esmay had to say yes.
"I know I did something wrong, but not what . . . how could I arrange air cover when we didnt have any resources? And why should I have worried about it, when the information we were given didnt mention any such threat?"
A technical problem she could answer; Esmay quickly outlined the logic behind their low score. Brun nodded, apparently paying attention, and Esmay warmed to her again.
"So . . . even if theres no evidence to indicate a certain kind of threat, you still have to counter it?"
"You have to assume your intelligence is incomplete," Marden put in. "It always is."
"But if youre too cautious, you cant get anything done," Brun said. "You have to act, even before you know everything"
"Yes, but with an awareness of what you dont know, and its implications," Esmay said.
"And its not so much what you dont know, as what you think you do knowthats wrongthat will get you killed," Vericour said. "Its the assumptionsthat no mention of an aerial threat means no aerial threat, or no mention of piracy in a sector means there are no pirates."
"I see," Brun said. "Ill try to do better next time, but I have to say Im better at reacting quickly than seeing invisible possibilities."
When Esmay got up to leave, Brun trailed along instead of heading for the ball courts with the others, and Esmay sighed internally. She was tired already, and had at least four hours of studying to do; if Brun insisted on talking to her, she would be up late again, and her energy was running out.
"I know youre busy," Brun said, as they got to Esmays quarters. "But this shouldnt take long, and I really dont know where else to go."
This appeal cut through Esmays worry about her classes. "Come on in," she said. "Whats wrong?"
"Theres something wrong with Master Chief Vecchi," Brun said.
"Wrong? What kind of wrong?" Esmay, her mind on their previous conversation, had been expecting a question about Fleet manners.
"Well . . . right in the middle of the lecture today, he suddenly didnt make sense. He was telling us how to secure a line on a derelict in zero gravity, and he got it backwards."
"How would you know?"
Brun had the grace to blush. "I read the book," she said. "His book, actually. Safety Techniques in Space Rescue."
"It slipped his mind," Esmay said. "Everyone makes mistakes sometimes."
"But he didnt know it. I mean, he went right on, explaining things wrong. When one of the jigs asked if he was sure, Vecchi blew up . . . then got very red, walked out, and when he came back, he said he had a headache."
"Maybe"
"Its not the first time," Brun said. "A week ago, he actually inserted a Briggs pin upside down."
"Testing you?"
"Noit was his own line, and he was about to move on it when one of the junior instructorsKim something. Tough little woman, about half my size but can haul me up one-handed. She did. Anyway, she noticed Vecchis mistake and fixed it."
"Um." Esmay couldnt think why this was her problem, except that anything that bothered Brun was her problem.
"It bothered her, I could tell. She watched everything else he did, checked it all. Not the usual cross-checks, but as if he were a student."
"How old is Vecchi?"
"What, are you thinking hes just gotten old? Hes rejuved, I know that. One of the first enlisted rejuvs."
"When?"
Brun looked disgusted. "I dont have his medical recordshow would I know?"
"I just wondered . . . maybe its wearing off."
"It doesnt work that way," Brun said. Esmay raised her eyebrows and waited. "My father," Brun went on. "Hes rejuved, so is Mother. Their friends . . . so I naturally know how it works."
"And?" Esmay prompted.
"Well, the usual reason for repeating a rejuv is physical. The people I know whove had more than one certainly didnt have any mental problems. Their personalities dont change, and theyre just as alert."
"But wasnt that earlier kind of rejuvenation associated with mental degeneration?"
"Only if you tried to repeat it." Brun made a face. "Mothers second cousin or something did that, and it was horrible. Mother tried to keep me away from her, but you know little kids . . . I thought there must be something special in that suite if they wanted me out of it, so I sneaked in."
"So . . . is Vecchi anything like your mothers cousin?"
"Not . . . exactly. Not as severe, anyway. You dont suppose they made a mistake and gave him the wrong kind of rejuv procedure, do you?"
"I dont know. It would help if we knew more about rejuvenation, and also about the procedure used on Vecchi."
"I thought you could do something, since youre in Fleet."
Esmay snorted. "Not dig into his personnel and medical recordsI have no reason to see them, and its against regulations to snoop."
"Not even . . . unofficially?"
"No." She would stop this right here. "Im not going to ruin my career to satisfy your curiosity. If Vecchi is impaired, someone in his chain of command will notice. If I observe something myself, I can report it. But I cannotand will not ttempt to snoop in his records. You can report it, toohwhoevers commanding over there. Whos the senior instructor?"
"A Commander Priallo, but shes on leave somewhere."
"Well, find someone elsewhoever is her junior"
"Id think youd care," Brun said.
"I care" If anything at all was wrong, but this was only Bruns word. "But I have no right to intervene; this needs to go to his commander. I suppose you could tell the Commandant."
"Maybe I will," Brun said, and after a moment sighed and went out. Esmay put Bruns worries out of her mind and tackled her assignments.
When the field exercise team assignments came out the next day, she found Vericour was right. Brun was on her team, and she had the smallest team of allbecause her security would have to come along. How would that work? Would they really let her be roughed up? Or would they interfere in the exercise. And what would that do to the scoring?
Meanwhile, Brun maintained an indecent level of energy and enthusiasm. She learned content as fast as anyone Esmay had ever knownEsmay wondered if her intellectual capacity had ever been pushed near its limit. She did not, however, seem able to learn the attitudes that were by now second nature to those young officers for whom they were not first nature. Reprimands slid off her impenetrable confidence; suggestion and example alike had no effect.
"Shes a dilettante," Vericour said, in another of those mealtime discussions. "Though what else could we expect from someone of her background? But she takes nothing seriously, least of all Fleet culture."
Anton Livadhi, a cousin of the Livadhi with whom Esmay had served on Despite, shook his head. "She takes us seriously enough . . . but shes not one of us, and she knows it. She wants us to be serious, while she has fun." He had his own team for the field exercise, and they were well up the chart on the evaluations for the preliminary exercises. Esmays team performance was only middling; Brun fluctuated between brilliant and maddening, and her security could not commit emotionally as team members were supposed to do, and still be guards. They had taken almost twice as long as the fastest team in several exercises.
Esmay began to dread the field exercise itself, four days of intense and dangerous work in the badlands west of the base. She was reasonably sure that Bruns guards wouldnt let her be killed, but that left her and Jig Medars to do the work of an entire team. Two days before the exercise, she left a lecture on ship systems maintenance and found a message on her personal comunit: Lieutenant Commander Uhlis wanted to see her at her earliest convenience. Since she had an hour between classes, that meant right now.
She could hear the angry voices from ten meters down the corridor; Uhliss door was ajar.
"You have to see that its impossible." Uhlis sounded annoyed.
"Why?" Brun sounded more than annoyed; Esmay paused, wishing the door had shut firmly.
"Because youre already the target of assassins. The field exercise is by nature dangerous, and its also impossible to secure. All it would take is one personjust one, with the right skillsto pick you off."
"You mean to tell me that on a base covered with Fleet personnel, you cant even let me do a simple field exercise?" Scorn in that, as if Brun expected to shame Uhlis into changing his mind. That wouldnt work.
"I mean we will not approve it. Nor will your father; I have already forwarded our decision, and our reasons for it, to him. He agreed."
"Thatsthatsthe stupidest thing I ever heard!" Bruns voice had gone up another notch. "If Im a target for terrorists, then its perfectly clear that escape and evasion is exactly what I need to know. What am I supposed to do if I get kidnapped and need to escape?"
"The escape segment will be availableat least the urban end . . ."
"Fine. So Ive broken out of some provincial jail somewhere and have to cover a hundred kilometers to a safe haven, and I have no training?"
"According to your father, you have had ample training in the basics of survival and navigation in the field, both on Sirialis and on Castle Rock. Your field skills are, in his opinion and those of our instructors who reviewed the recordings, equivalent to those of most graduates. So the escape segments should fill out your skills very well."
Silence for a moment. Esmay wondered if she could just walk past the door now, but even as she moved, Brun stormed out, silent but obviously in a rage. She broke stride when she saw Esmay.
"You will not believe!" she began.
"Excuse me," Esmay said, not wanting to hear it all again. "I overheard a little, and I have an appointment." Bruns eyes widened, but she moved aside. Esmay edged past Brun and into the office, where a grim-faced Commander Uhlis looked ready to melt bulkheads with his glare. "Sir, Lieutenant Suiza reporting"
"Close the door," he said.
"Yes, sir." Esmay shut the door firmly, aware of Brun hovering outside.
Uhlis took a deep breath, then another, and then looked at her with less intensity. "I wanted to talk to you about your team assignment," he said. "If you overheard much of that" he nodded at the door. "Then you know we have concerns about security. Up until last night, we still had orders to accommodate Meager and include her in all the courses, including the field exercise. However, since we now have permission from the highest levels to exclude her and her bodyguards, we need to rearrange team assignments. Were going to split the exercise, and youll be assigned to a new team, acting commander." He gave her a dangerous smile. "I understand you do very well at motivating strangers, Lieutenant."
So the camaraderie shed built up with her team over the past week would be no use to herand the team she went to might well resent losing its familiar commander. But at least she wouldnt have Brun to worry about.
"Thank you, sir," she said.
"Thank me afterwards," he said. "If you can. Remember, your score depends on not only your own successful evasion, but how many of your team make it."
Her new team waited for her in the afternoon skills exercise. They had a bored, wary look . . . they were, she realized, the team that Anton Livadi had led. And Anton had remarked, just too audibly, that he had his doubts about the source of Suizas success. Serrano pet, was a phrase shed been meant to overhear; she had ignored it, but these people hadnt. Two other women, four men; she ran the names over quickly in her mind. All but one had been in her class in the Academy, but she hadnt seen any of them for years, and she hadnt been close to them even then.
That afternoons exercise was deceptively simple. From a scatter of raw materials, improvise a way to cross a series of "natural" barriers. Each obstacle required not only teamwork but also innovative thinking . . . none of the poles were long enough, none of the ropes strong enough, none of the assorted other objects were obviously meant for the tasks at hand. Esmay tried being forthright and cheerful, as recommended in the leadership manual, but only some of her new team responded. Lieutenant Taras was inclined to be pettish if her ideas were not accepted the first time; Lieutenant Paradh and Jig Bearlin could always think of ways for things not to work. By the time the period was over, they had comleted only four of the five obstacles. Esmay was aware of the frowning instructor, ticking off points on his chart. This team had been ranked first or second in every exercise; now they wouldnt be.
It was possible to request overtime, though it was rarely done because it imposed a twenty percent penalty on the entire score. Esmay raised her hand; Taras made a sound that might have been a groan. Esmay rounded on her. "We are going to finish this, Lieutenant, if we have to stay here all night"
"We cant win," Bearlin said. "We might as well take the eighty percent weve got"
"And when you need that other twenty percent of experience, where are you planning to get it?" Esmay asked. "Were completing this exercise, and were doing it now."
She expected more resistance, but despite some sidelong grumpy looks, they tackled the final obstacle with more energy than they had any of the others. Five minutes later, they had solved the problemand although Esmay halfway expected them to dump her in the mud, they got her over the pit with the same care they expended on each other.
"Good choice," the instructor told them afterwards. "You wouldnt have got eighty percent beforeyou were about as effective as a jug of eelwormsbut youve got it now."
By the time they got back to the mess hall, Esmay felt she had a chance with this groupa slim chance, but a real one. If only shed had a few more days before the field exercise.
The next days prelims went better; her new team seemed willing to work together again, and they were back up to third in the daily ratings. Esmay went to her quarters to pack her gear for the field exercise, and try to snatch a few hours of sleep before time to leave.
She had everything laid out on her bunk when her doorchime rang. Stifling a curse, she went to open it. Barin might have stopped by, though shed hardly seen him for days, except with Brun. She hoped it was Barin. But instead it was Brun, and a very angry Brun at that.
"I suppose youre proud of yourself!" Brun said first.
"Excuse me?" What was the girl talking about?
"You never did want me on your team; you havent liked me from the beginning."
"I"
"And now youve made sure I cant do the field exercise, so you can take over a top team . . ."
"I did not," Esmay said, beginning a slow burn. "They just assigned me"
"Oh, dont be stupid," Brun said, flopping onto the bunk and making a mess of Esmays careful arrangement. "Youre the heroic Lieutenant Suizathey want you to shine, and theyve arranged it. Never mind what it does to other peoples plans . . ."
"Like yours?" Esmay said. She could feel her pulse speeding up.
"Like mine. Like Antons. Like Barins."
"Barins!"
"You know, hes really quite fond of you," Brun said, idly prodding a stack of concentrate bars until they collapsed. Two slid off onto the floor. Esmay gritted her teeth and picked them up without comment. She did not want this. "I was trying to find out why youre such a cold fish, and I thought he might knowand Ill bet you didnt even know the poor boys half in love with you."
Didnt she . . . Esmay contemplated for a moment the probable result of pulling out Bruns tousled gold curls by the roots.
"Of course, such an upright professional as yourself would never stoop to dally with mere ensigns," Brun went on, in a tone that could have removed several layers of paint from a bulkhead. "He, like the rest of us, is far beneath your noticeunless someone gets in your way." This time she picked up a water bottle and opened and shut the spout.
"That is not fair," Esmay said. "I didnt have anything to do with your being taken out of the field exercise"
"I suppose you want me to believe you support me?"
"No, but thats not the same thing. It wasnt my decision to make."
"But if it had been" Brun gave her a challenging glare.
"It wasnt. What might have been doesnt matter."
"So true. You might have been a friend; you might have been Barins lover; instead"
"What do you mean might have been someones lover?" Even as angry as she was, she could not say Barins name in that context. Not to this woman.
"You dont expect him to hang around worshipping your footsteps forever, do you? Just in case you might come down from your pinnacle and notice him? Even a bad case of hero worship yields at last to time."
This was her worst fear, right here and now. Had it been only hero worship? Was it . . . over?
"And you, of course, were right there to help him over this unwarranted fixation . . . ?"
"I did my part," Brun said, flipping out the gold curls with a gesture that left no doubt what she meant. Esmay had an instant vision of them strewn about the room, little gold tufts of hair like fleece on the shed floor after shearing. "Hes intelligent, witty, fun, not to mention incredibly handsomeId have thought youd notice"
A light of unnatural clarity seemed to illuminate the room; Esmay felt weightless with pure rage. This . . . this to be pursuing Barin. This to displace her, to ruin her relationship with Barin. A young woman who boasted openly of her sexual conquests, who refused to abide by any rules, who claimed to be unafraid of rape because "its just mechanics; and aside from that, no one can make me pregnant." She was like Casea Ferradi, without Ferradis excuse of a colonial background.
Hardly conscious of what she was doing, she reached out and lifted Brun off the bunk, and set her against the wall, as easily as she could have picked up a small child.
"You . . ." She could not say the words she was really thinking; she struggled to find something hurtful enough. "You playgirl," she said finally. "You come bouncing in here, all full of your genetically engineered brains and beauty, showing it all off, playing with usplaying with the people who are risking their lives to keep you and your wonderful family alive and safe."
Brun opened her mouth, but Esmay gave her no chance; the words she had longed to say came pouring out.
"You wanted to be friends, you saidwhat did you ever do but get in my way, take up my time, and go lusting after anyone who caught your fancy? It never occurred to you that some of us have a job to do herethat peoples lives, not just ours, will depend on how we do it. No. You want to go play in Q-town, someone should go with you . . . it doesnt matter to you if that means learning less. After all, what does it matter if you pass a course or flunk it? Its not your life on the line. You dont care whether you ruin Barins career or not" Not the way she herself cared; not the way she agonized over it. "You think your money and your family make it right for you to have anyone you want."
Brun was white to the lips. Esmay didnt care. Her anxiety about the next day, her exhaustion from weeks of extra workall had vanished, in righteous rage. "You have the morality of a mare in heat; you have no more spiritual depth than a water drop on a window. And someday you will need that, and I promise youI promise you, Miss Rich and Famousyou will wish you had it, and you will know Im right. Now get out, and stay out. I have work to do."
With that, Esmay yanked the door open; she was ready to shove Brun out, but Brun stalked past her, under the eyes of her waiting security, who carefully looked at neither of them. The doors were not made to slam, or Esmay would have slammed hers. As it was, she restacked her gear with shaking hands, packed it, set it aside, then lay unsleeping on her bunk to wait for the alarm.
08/07/99