Chapter Seven
B
run Meager exchanged the squad of Royal Security guardsSince it was handyrelativelyshe decided to check out her holdings within the Boros Consortium. It was something her father would approve of, the kind of grownup, mature behavior he claimed she didnt show often enough. And it was a long, long way from Castle Rock.
She spent two days with the accountants at Podj, feeling virtuous and hard-working as she waded through stacks of numbers, and then decided to skip Corianwhere there would be more news media, since it was a shipping huband go straight to Bezaire. She plotted the course, calculated the times . . . and scowled at the figures. If she went to Bezaire by any of the standard green-lined routes, she wouldnt have time to visit Rotterdam before the start of the hunting season on Sirialis. But she was determined to visit Lady Cecelia and discuss with that other adventurous lady those things which she could not say to her parents. She could skip Bezairebut she didnt want to skip Bezaire.
She looked at the navigation catalogs again. A caution route would save her five days, but that really wasnt enough. Maybe the Boros pilots that ran the circuit all the time knew of a shortcut . . . she called up their time-on-route stats. Supposedly they all took greenlined routes . . . but the on-time figures were improbably high for the Corian-Bezaire leg of the journey. They had a shortcut; she was sure of it. Now who might be willing to let her in on the secret?
For the rich and beautiful daughter of Lord Thornbuckle, a stockholder, the secret wasnt that hard to find. A double-jump-point system where the two jump points had been stable for over fifty years. Fleet had warnings about systems harboring two jump points, but Fleet had warnings about everything. Brun grinned to herself as she plotted a jump direct from Podj to the first of the double jumps. A nice slow-vee insertion in such a small-mass vessel, and she would be safe as safeand have plenty of time to visit Lady Cecelia.
Jester slid through the first jump point, and scan cleared. Brun checked the references, and grinned. The second jump point was right where it was supposed to be . . . an easy transit. She was tempted to make a flat run for itnothing else should be insystembut checked for beacons anyway.
Four popped up on the screen. Four? She punched the readout, up came Elias Madero, which should have cleared the system three days before, and three ships with non-Familias registry.
"Jump us out now!" Barrican said. Brun glanced at him; he was staring at the scan monitor.
"They wont notice us for another few minutes," Brun said. "Whatevers going on, we can find out and"
"Were scan-delayed too," he said. "They arent where you see them, whoever they are. And its trouble"
"I can see its trouble," Brun said. "But if were going to get them help, we need to know what kindwho it is, whats going on."
"It wont help anyone if were blown away," Calvaro said. He had come up behind her. "This thing cant fight, and we dont know what those arethey might outrun us."
"Were little," Brun said. "Theyll never even notice. Flea on the elephant."
"Milady"
That did it. Her fathers men, protecting her fathers daughter; they probably thought she would faint at the sight of blood. When would her father realize that she was grown, that she was capable . . .
"Were going to sneak in closer," she said. "And look. Just look. Then we can jump out and tell Fleet whats happened."
"Thats foolish, milady," Calvaro said. "What if they"
"If theyre pirates, theyll think were too small to bother with." She pushed back memories of that lecture on recent incursions from outlying powers. These were not the Benignityshe had seen Benignity ships on scan. Nor the Bloodhorde, which was all the way across Familias space and probably still licking its wounds after the Koskiusko mess. These were common criminals, and common criminals were after the big, easy profit . . . not chasing a small yacht with a few insignificant passengers.
"If you would jump out now, we could be back in range of the Corian ansible in just a few hours"
"And have nothing much to say. No, we need to record some data, at least the beacon IDs of those other ships" She grinned at them, and saw the grin have its usual effects. Her fathers employees had been putty in her hands since she had convinced the head cook to give her all the chocolate eclairs she could cram into her mouth. Nor had she been sick, which only proved that the stuffier grownups were entirely too cautious.
Sneaking nearer with the insystem drive just nudging them along was dead easy. Brun napped briefly, slightly worried that one of them might figure out the lockout code shed put on the nav computer so that they couldnt go into jump while she was asleep. But they hadnt. Theyd triedshe could see that in their expressions, a mix of guilty and disgruntledbut shed used a trick shed learned at Copper Mountain and it held.
Scan delay was down to one minute by then. One of the mystery ships was snugged up to the merchanter, and one was positioned a quarter second away. The third . . . her breath caught. The third had moved . . . on an intercept course.
It couldnt have seen Jester. The yacht was too small; they could have spotted the bobble near the jump point, but after thatafter that she had laid in a straight course and they could have extrapolated.
She should have jinked about. In the back of her mind, a nagging voice told her that she should have done what Barrican said, and jumped out right away. The pirates could not possibly have caught her then. Nowif they had military-grade scansshe flicked off the lockout. She could jump from here; there were no large masses to worry about. She had no idea where they might come out, jumping this far from the mapped points, but it had to be better.
She set up the commands, and pushed the button. A red warning light came on, and a saccharin voice from the console said "There are no mapped jump points within critical; jump insertion refused. There are no mapped jump points . . ."
Brun felt the blood rush to her face as she slapped the jump master control the other way. A rented yacht, with standard nagivation software . . . she had not thought about that, about the failsafes it would have built in, which she would not have time to bypass. Of course Allsystems Leasing would protect their investment by limiting the mistakes lessees could make.
She looked at the insystem drive controls. The yachts insystem drive, standard for this model, should be able to outrun anything but Fleets fastestbut only if she could redline it. She noticed that the control panel stopped well below what she knew was its redline acceleration. Still, it was all she had.
"Milady" Barrican said softly as she reached out.
"Yes"
"They might not have seen us, even so. If you dont do anything, they might miss us still."
"And if they dont, were easy meat," Brun said. "Theyve got the course; a preschooler could extrapolate our position."
"But if we seem to be unaware of them, they might still consider us unimportant. If you do anything, theyll have to assume you have noticed trouble."
What she had noticed was how stupid shed been. Someday youll get into something you cant handle by being bright and pretty and lucky, Sam had told her. Shed assumed someday was a long way away, and here it was.
"We have essentially no weapons," she said softly, though there was no need for quietness. "So our only hope of escape is to get within effective radius of that jump pointunless they do ignore us, and somehow I dont think they will."
On scan, the other ships projected course curved to parallel theirs. Another of the smaller ships now movedand moved in the blink-stop way of a warship that could microjump within a system.
"We cant outrun that," Brun said, under her breath. "Two of them . . ."
"Just go along as if we had no scans out at all," Barrican advised.
It was good advice. She knew it was good advice. But doing nothing wore on her in a way that action never did. Second by second, Jester slid along much more slowly than it had to; second by second the unknown ships closed in. What kind of scan did they have? Koutsoudas had been able to detect activity aboard other shipscould these? Would they believe that a little ship on a simple slow course from jump point to jump point would notice nothing?
Seconds became minutes, became an hour. She had shut down active scan long since; passive scan showed Elias Madero and the third unknown in the same relative location, with the other two flanking Jester. They were approaching the closest point to the merchanter on their projected course to the second jump point. If they got by, if they werent stopped, would that mean they were in the clear?
There was no logical alternative. One could always choose certain death . . . but it was amazingly hard to do. So this was what Barin had faced . . . this was what the instructor had been talking about . . . Brun dragged her mind back to the present. The yacht had a self-destruct capability; she could blow it, and herself and her fathers loyal men. Or she could force the raiders to blow their way in, and not wear a pressure suitthat would do it. But . . . she made herself look at the faces of the men who surrounded her, who were about to die for her, or with her.
"I was wrong," she said. "No comfort now, butyou were right, and I was wrong. I should have jumped right back out."
"No matter, milady," said Calvaro. "Well do what we can."
Which was nothing. They could die defending her . . . or be killed without fighting; she did not believe the raiders would spare them.
"I think we should surrender," she said. "Perhaps"
"Not an option, milady," Calvaro said. "Thats not a choice you can make; were sworn to your father to protect you. Go to your cabin, milady."
She didnt want to. She knew what was coming, and it was not death she feared, but having forced these men into a position where they had to diewould diein a futile effort to protect her. Im not worth it, she wanted to say . . . to admit . . . and she knew she must not say that. She must not take their honor from them. They thought her father was worth it, oragain Esmays words rang in her headthey thought they were worth it. She said their names, to each of them: Giles Barrican, Hubert Calvaro, Savoy Ardenil, Basil and Seren Verenci, Kaspar and Klara Pronoth, Pirs Slavus, Netenya Biagrin, Charan Devois. She could find no words for them beyond naming them, recognizing their lives. She gave them all she had, a last smile, then went meekly to her cabin as they wished. It wouldnt work; she would die at the end, but . . . they would not have to see her dead or captive. They could die remembering that smile, for all the good it did . . . and she did not even know if they believed in an afterlife where such a memory might be comforting. She wrote their names, over and over, on many scraps of paper and tucked them in places she hoped the raiders would not find. They deserved more, but that was all she could do.
When the cabin hatch gave at last, she faced the intruders with her personal weapons, and the first one to try the opening fell twitching. But the small sphere they tossed in burst in a spray of needles . . . and she felt the fine stinging all up her body. Her hand relaxed, her sidearm fell, she felt her knees sagging, and the deck came up to meet her.
She woke with a feeling of choking, tried to cough loose the obstruction, and then realized it was a wad of cloth tied in her mouth. A gag, like something out of an ancient story. Ridiculous. She blinked, and glared up at the men standing over her. They were in p-suits, helmets dangling in back. Her body still felt heavy and limp, but she could just move her legs when she tried. Then they spoke to each other in an accent so heavy that she could hardly understand it, and reached for her. She tried to struggle, but the drug made it impossible. They dragged her upright, then out through the twisted hatch into the main passage of the yacht . . . over the bodies of her guardsmen . . . through the tube theyd rigged between the yacht and their ship, whatever it was.
They pushed her into a seat and strapped her in, then walked off. Brun wiggled as much as she could. Her arms, then her legs, began to itch, and then tingle. So . . . the drug was wearing off, but she didnt see how she could get away. Yet. Your first duty is to stay alive.
Several more men came through the tube . . . was that all? Or had some stayed aboard the yacht, and if so, why? She felt her ears throb as they shut the exterior lock, then the interior lock. They must have cast off the yacht . . . someone would find it. Someday. If another Boros ship came this way, if another Boros ship even noticed a minor bit of space debris . . .
The ship she was on shuddered uneasilyjump?then steadied again. Three of the men were still back by the airlock. Now they went to work . . . Brun craned her head, trying to see. Her ears popped again. Something clanked; the ship made a noise like a tuning fork dragged on concrete, then stopped. The men moved on into the airlock, andjudging by the soundsundogged the outer hatch. Colder air gushed in, chilling her ankles. She heard loud voices from the othership, it must beand those men leaving.
The ones whod originally brought her aboard reappeared, now in some sort of tan uniform instead of p-suits, unstrapped her, and hauled her upright. If she could break loose, while they thought she was still weakenedbut three more appeared at the airlock. Too many, her mind decided, even as her body tried to twist. Too much drug, she realized, as her muscles refused to give her the speed she was used to. Well, if she couldnt fight, she could at least observe. Tan uniforms, snug-fitted shirts over slightly looser slacks, over boots. Brown leather boots, she noticed when she looked down. On the collar, insignia of a five-pointed star in a circle.
Once she was through the airlock, she saw the Boros Consortium logo on the bulkhead . . . so she must be on the Elias Madero. The men hustled her down the passagewide enough for a small robot loaderpast hatches with symbols and labels she felt she should recognize. Past a galley with its programmable food processor humming, past a gymnasium . . . to the bridge, which reminded her instantly of the bridge where shed stood when shed broken the second mates nose . . .
But the man who stood in the center of the bridge was no merchant captain.
He had to be the commander. He wore the same uniform as the others, but the star-in-circle insignia on his collar was larger, and gold instead of silver. She met his gaze with all the defiance she could muster. He looked past her to her escort.
"Got the papers?" He had the same accent as the others.
"Yep." One of the other men came forward with her ID packet. "Shes the one, all right. We checked the retinal scans and everything."
"You done good, boys." The commander glanced at her papers, then at her. "Not a single shred of decency, but what can you expect of that sort?" The other men chuckled. Brun struggled to spit out the gag; she knew exactly what she wanted to say to this . . . this person. The commander came closer. "Youre that so-called Speakers daughter. Youre used to having your own way, just like your daddy. Well, all things come to an end." He waited a moment, then went on. "You probably think your daddy will get you out of this, like hes gotten you out of all your other scrapes. You may think hes going to send that Regular Space Service"he made a mockery of Fleet with that tone"to rescue you. But it aint gonna happen that way. We dont want your daddys money. We arent scared of your daddys power. They wont find you. No ones gonna find you. Youre ours, now."
He grinned past her, and the other men chuckled.
"Your daddy and that Council of Families, they think they got a right to make the laws for everbody, but they dont. They think they got a right to set fees and taxes on everbody comes through their so-called territory, but they dont. Free men dont have to pay any mind to what perverts and women say. Thats not the way God made the universe. Were free men, we are, and our laws come from the word of God as set forth by the prophets."
Brun wanted to scream at him: They will destroy you, but she could not make a sound. She thought it at him anyway: You cant do this; you wont get away with it; they will come after me and blow you to bits.
He reached out to her face, and when she turned away he grabbed her ears with both hands and forced her to face him. "Now your daddy may tryor maybe, because hell know weve got you, hell have the good sense to let us alone if he doesnt want to see his little girl in pieces. But hes not gonna get you back. No one is. Your life just changed forever. Youre gonna obey, like the prophets said women should, and the sooner you start the easier it will be on you."
Never. She threw that at him with her eyes, with every fiber of her body. Maybe she couldnt do anything now, but now was not forever. She would get free, because she always did come out on top. She was lucky; she had abilities they didnt know about.
But the fear edged closer. Someday, Sam had said, Esmay had said, your luck will run out. Someday youll be helpless. Someday youll be stuck. And what will you do then?
The words she had thrown at them sounded thin now, faced with these men. But she had meant them. She would not give up; she would not give in. She was Charlotte Brunhilde . . . named for queens and warriors.
He moved his hands down the sides of her head to her neck. "You dont believe me yet. Thats fine . . . doesnt matter." He slid his hands out her shoulders, then curled his fingers into the neck of her jumpsuit. Brun would have curled her lip if she could. Here it came, the predictable move of a storycube male captor. He was going to rip her clothes off. He would be surprised when he tried; she hadnt spent all that money for custom-tailored protective shipsuits for nothing. But he didnt try to rip the suit, just ran his fingers inside the neck, feeling the cloth. "Well need the slicer, boys." Well, hackneyed, but smarter than dirt, maybe.
The knife the other man handed him was large enough to gut an elephant, Brun thought. He wanted her to be impressed with itsome men always thought bigger was betterbut she had seen knives that big before.
"Now the first thing," the man said, sliding the tip of the long blade into the neck of her suit. "Women dont wear mens clothes." Mens clothes! How could anyone mistake a custom outfit designed for her body as a mans outfit? With those darts, it wouldnt have fitted any male shed ever seen. But the man was still talking.
"Women who wear mens clothes are usurping mens authority. We dont put up with that." He made a single rapid slice downward, and the shipsuit opened from neck to crotch. He could just as well have pulled the tab, but he had to make a dramatic thing out of it, ruining an expensive shipsuit.
"Women are not allowed to wear trousers," he said. Brun blinked. What did pants have to do with it? Everyone wore pants if they were doing the kind of work in which pants were more comfortable. But this was probably just an excuse to cut her clothes off. He inserted the tip of the knife into the lower end of the opening, and sliced open the leg of the shipsuit . . . then the other leg. Brun stared ahead. They would want her to react; she wouldnt react. "Women are not allowed to wear mens shoes." At a nod from the commander, two men grabbed her legs and pulled off her boots. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Custom-made boots, her boots, and she was a woman, and therefore those were womens boots, not mens boots. Then they dropped her legs; her bare feet thudded on the cold deck.
Next the commander gestured and someone behind her pulled the ripped sides of her shipsuit behind her. This shed expected. Her chin lifted. Take a good look. Youll pay for every leer. But the commanders frown was not a leer. He was staring at her abdomen, at the Registered Embryo logo with its imprinted genetic data.
"Abomination . . ." breathed one of the other men. "A construct" He pulled out his own big knife, but the commanders gesture stopped him, just as Brun was sure she would be gutted right there.
"Its true that none of the Faithful can tamper with Gods plan for their children, but this woman is the result of tampering. What was done to her was not her responsibility." Brun relaxed muscles she didnt realize shed tensed. The man leaned over, peering at the mark, then rubbed his finger over it. Brun thought of kneeing him in the face, but there were still too many of them . . . she would have to wait.
"I dont like it," one of the others said. "What perversions have they bred into her . . ."
"None that will survive our training," the commander said. "And she is strong, well-grown. By all reports, she carries genes for intelligence and good health. It would be a waste not to make use of them."
"But"
"She will be no threat to us." He looked Brun full in the face. "Youyou are thinking still that you will be rescued, that you can go back to your abominations and perversions. You do not yet believe that your old life is over. But you will soon. You have already spoken the last words you will ever speak."
What did that mean? Were they going to kill her after all? Brun stared back, defiant.
"You will be used as you deserve . . . and as a mute breeder, you will be no threat, no matter what."
Brun felt a shock as her mind caught up with that. Mute? What was he . . . were they going to cut out her tongue? Only barbarians did things like that . . .
He laughed then, at a change in expression she did not know shed made. "I see you understandthat much, at least. Youre not used to thatnot being able to plead and beg and wheedle your way around your weakling father. Or the other men youve whored with. But thats over. The voice of the heathen will be heard no more; yea, the tongues of those who know not God will be silenced. And, as the holy words also say, Women shall keep silence before men, in respect and submission. You were born in sin and abomination, but you will live in the service of God Almighty. When it is time, when we choose, you will sleep, and when you awake, youll have no voice."
Her body jerked, in spite of herself . . . she struggled, as she had not struggled before, knowing it was useless. The men laughed, loud confident laughter. Brun fought herself to stillness, hating the tears that stung her eyes, that ran down her face.
"Well put you away now, to think about that. I want you to know ahead of time, to understand . . . for this is part of the training you will receive, to learn that you have no power, and no man will listen to you. You are silenced, slut, as women should be silent."
It could not be happening. Not to her, not to the daughter of the Speaker of the Grand Council. Not to a young woman who could rappel down cliffs, who had earned badges in marksmanship, who could ride to hounds, who had never done anything she didnt want to do, with anyone she wanted to do it with. Things like this happened, if they happened, in dull history books, in times long past, or places far away. Not to her. All this, she knew to her shame, was in her eyes, was in the tears, in the shaking of her body, and the men laughed to see it.
"Take her backbe sure youve cuffed her. Start an IV, too. Just saline, for now."
For now. For however long. She believed, suddenly. It was real, it was happening . . . no, it couldnt be! The men holding her moved her firmly along, her bare feet stumbling on all the rough places where her boots had protected her. She was cold, frozen with a fear she had never understood when she saw the storycubes or read the old books in her fathers library.
In the compartment, four of them laid her on the bunk, ignoring her struggles, and cuffed her hands to the sides, her feet together. She tried to plead with her eyes: loosen the gag, just for a minute, please, please. They chuckled, confident and amused. Another one came, with a little kit, and turned her arm . . . inserting the IV needle deftly. She stared up at the bag of saline hanging from a hook overhead.
"When were ready," one of them said, "well put you to sleep." He grinned. "Welcome to the real world."
She hated them; she writhed with fury. But it was too late for that.
She would go to sleep . . . it would be a dream, when she woke. A bad dream, a scary dream, and she would go tell Esmay about it and apologize for having laughed at Esmay. She would . . .
She woke to a sense of pain, and fought her way to consciousness. No gag in her mouth; she could breathe through it. Had they? But she could feel her tongue, too large it seemed, scrubbing around in her mouth. So they hadnt. At least not yet. She swallowed. Her throat felt raw and scratchy. She looked around, cautiously. No one . . . she was still cuffed to the bunk, with the IV running in her arm, but no one was there. She took a breath of pure relief . . . ahhh.
And froze in horror. No sound. She tried again. And again. No sound but the rush of air in her throat, which hurt a lot now. She tried to whisper, at least, and realized that she could shape words, she could make hisses and clicks (though moving her tongue made the pain in her throat worse) but she could get no real volume out, hardly enough sound to carry across a small room.
Almost at once, the door slid aside, and the one who had inserted the IV came in.
"You need to drink," the man said. He held a straw to her mouth. "Swallow this."
It was cold, minty. She could swallow . . . but she could not say anything. Her throat hurt as the liquid went down, then eased.
"Youve realized what weve done," he said. "Cut your vocal cords, some muscles. Left your tongueyou can eat normally, and swallow, and all the rest of it. But no speech. And no, it wont grow back. Not the way we do it."
It had to be a dream, but she had never felt a dream this real. The cold air on her skin, the ache from being bound in one position too long, the pain in her throat, and . . . and the silence when she tried to speak. She tried to whisper, to mouth words, but at that he put a hand on her mouth.
"Stop that. You dont talk to men, ever. Make faces at us, and youll be punished."
It wasnt making faces, it was communication. How could he not know that?
"Nothing you have to say is important to us. Later, if youre obedient, you can lipspeak to other women, in the womens quarters. But not now, and never to men. NowIm going to examine you. Do as I say."
His examination was clinical and complete, but not brutal; he handled her body with the same smooth competence she had received from doctors in her fathers clinics. He spoke the results aloud, for a recorder. Brun learned that she was now catalogued as Captive Female 4, slut, gene-altered, fertile. Her instant satisfaction at the error in that disappeared when he held up her fertility implant, and she realized they had removed it. Through the haze of drugs, she now felt the pain in her left leg, from the incision. She was fertile, thenor soon could be, if they also knew about fertility drugs. She thought they probably would.
When he was through, the man called others; they carried her from that compartment to another, somewhat larger, but empty of anything she could use as a weapon against them or herself. She was still cuffed, this time one arm to the corner of the bunk. Beside her the men left a soft tube of nutrient gel and a carisack of water. She had just dozed off when the commander appeared with the man who had waked her.
"How long?"
"Well, shell be strong enough in another two or three days, but she wont ovulate for another twelve to fourteen. I gave her the shots, but it takes that long to cycle."
"Well move her in with Girlie and the babies when shes strong enough. She can start sewing, though I doubt she knows any more about it than Girlie did." He stepped up to the bunk. "Now you know we spoke truth; living among liars as you did, you might have doubted us. Now your next lesson. You arent who you were. No one will ever call you by that heathen name you used. Where youre going, no one will even know it. Right now you have no name at all. Youre a slut, because you arent a virgin or a wife. Sluts are any mans pleasure. When youve borne your third child, if anyone wants you and if youve been obedient, youll be available for junior wife."
He left, taking the other man with him, before she even thought to curse him in whispers. Brun wanted to cry, but tears would not come. Instead, despair settled over her like a dark blanket, tucking itself around her mind until she could see nothing else. She struggled against it briefly, but it held her as firmly as the cuff on her arm, and she was so tired.
She slept again, and woke. Her throat hurt; she sucked at the nutrient tube, and the chill gel eased it again. The move to the other compartment had to be better, Brun thought. If she lay there alone she would go crazy. Another humaneven women belonging to these menhad to be better.
Hazel looked up from the littles only as far as the mens waists . . . she saw the womans bare legs and almost forgot to keep her gaze down. They had told her about this woman, and Hazels heart had ached for her . . . but it frightened her, because they had shown Hazel pictures of what theyd done to her, and threatened to do the same to Hazel and the littles if Hazel disobeyed. Now they pushed the woman down onto the pallet along the wall. Hazel pulled the littles back into the corner. The woman was pale, almost as white as milk, and dark bruises stood out on her skin. She had a rough red scar on her leg, and her face . . . Hazel didnt want to look at her face, but the burning blue eyes seemed to reach for hers and demand a response.
"Girlie, you take care of her. Feed her. Make sure she eats and drinks and goes to toilet. Keep her clean. But dont talk to her. Understand?"
Hazel bobbed her head. Theyd told her and told herif she talked to the woman they were bringing in, theyd do the same to her. And to both the littles. She couldnt let that happen.
"You teach her to sew, if she doesnt know how. Make her a decent dress. Well bring more cloth."
Hazel bobbed her head again. The men left, leaving the strange woman alone. Hazel hitched herself across the deck, being careful not to uncover her legs, and retrieved the food sack. She held out a tube of paste concentrate. The woman put her hand in front of her mouth and turned away. Hazel went back to the littles, who were staring at the woman with wide eyes.
"Who she?" asked Brandy, barely breathing the words.
"Shhh," Hazel said.
"No clothes," breathed Stassi.
"Shh." She handed the littles their dolls, and started them on the dancing game shed devised.
Every word Brun had said to Esmay seemed etched on her skin in acid. Simply a matter of practice, shed said. Just think of pistons and cylinders, shed said. Easy . . .
In the silence, in her mind, she apologized again and again, screaming the words she could not say. How could she have been so wrong? So stupid? So arrogant? How could she have thought the universe was set up for her convenience?
Her body ached, raw and sore from waking to sleeping again. They had all used her, over and over, for days . . . how many days she didnt know. Through one cycle, at least, for she had bled heavily. They didnt touch her then, and would not even enter the compartment. Not until she was "clean" again . . . and then it started all over.
When her breasts swelled up, sore to the touch, she winced away from one of them. He stopped. "Slut . . ." he said warningly. Then he prodded her breasts, and moved away. She lay slack, uncaring. If it wasnt hurting right now, that was enough. Another one came . . . the one, she now recognized, who was some kind of medic. He felt her breasts, took her temperature, and sampled her blood. A few minutes later, he grinned.
"Youre breeding. Good."
Good? That she was carrying the child of one of these disgusting monsters? He seemed to read her feelings in her face.
"You wont be able to do anything unnatural. If you try, well confine you alone. Understand?"
She glared at him, and he slapped her. "Youre just pregnant, not injured. You will answer appropriately when I ask you a question. Understand?" Against her will, she nodded. "Get dressed now."
Under his gaze, she fumbled back into the ugly tubelike dress the girl had made for her and tied the tapes that held it closed. She threw the square of cloth that covered her arms around her shoulders. They hadnt figured out yet how to put sleeves in the dress.
"Come along," he said to her, and led her back to the compartment where the girl and the little ones waited. The girl looked at her, then looked away. Brun wasnt sure how old the girl was; she looked very young, perhaps eleven or twelve, but if shed had an implant to retard puberty, she might be as old as eighteen. If only they could talkeven write notes back and forth . . . But there were no writing materials in the cabin, and the girl refused to talk, looking away when Brun tried to mouth words at her.
Day followed day, unbearable in their sameness. Brun watched the young girl try to quiet and entertain the two little ones, feed them, keep the compartment clean. She was always gentle with the younger girls, always busy in her care for them. The girl accepted Bruns help, but seemed afraid of her. When the girl held out food she had been ordered to give Brun, she looked down or away.
Brun had no way of telling time, except by her bodys growth. When she felt the first vague movement that could not be ignored, she burst into tears. After a while, she felt someone patting her head gently, and looked through tear-stuck lashes to see one of the babiesthe one the girl called Stassi. The child put her head near Bruns.
"Don cry," she said very softly. "Don cry."
"Stassi, no!" That was the older girl, pulling the child away. Brun felt as if shed been stabbed in a new way. Did the girl think she would hurt the child? Was she to have no one to comfort her? She struggled to hold back the sobs, but couldnt.
* * *
GTo get her mind off herself, she tried to pay more attention to the others, especially the older girl. The girl could not be one of themnot originally. She sewed clumsily, with no real knowledge of how to fit cloth to human shapes. When the men dropped off garments to be mended, Brun could see that they had been made originally with great skill . . . with hand sewing, like the most expensive "folk" imports, the stitches subtly imperfect. Surely a girl of their people would know, by that age, how to do it right. She glanced at the girl, whose brown hair hung down like a curtain to either side of her face. She didnt even know the girls name . . . the men always called her Girlie, and the little ones Baby.
If the girl werent one of theirs, where had she come from? No clues now . . . the pullover that formed the top of her dress might have come from anywhere, one of the millions sold in a midprice shop at any spaceport. Spaceport? Had she been snatched off a space station? Or a ship? By the color of her skin and hairby her featuresshe could have come from any of a hundred planets, off any of a thousand ships. And yetshe was herself, an individual, just as Brun was. She had a past; she had hoped for a future. Ordinary . . . but very real. Brun found herself imagining a family for the girl, a home . . . wondering if the little ones were her sisters or just other captured children. How did the girl stand it?
Tears choked her again; she clenched her hands to her swelling belly. The girl flashed her a quick look, wary. Then, for the first time, she reached out a hand, and patted Bruns. That did it. Brun cried harder, rocking back and forth.
08/07/99