4301.
I got a letter
From Publishers Clearing House--
SPAM via snail mail.
--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com
4302.
On "The Twilight Zone,"
A man knows he's left this world
When he sees SPICKEN.
--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com
4303.
Does John Travolta
(Who was also out, then in)
Empathize with SPAM?
--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com
4304.
She cuts open her
bike's padded gel seat and sees
the pink mass inside.
--Scott Lasley, slasley@space.umd.edu
4305.
Eve smiled at Adam.
"SPAM sandwich, Dear?" "Yes, thanks, Love."
Original Sin.
--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk
4306.
SPAM Spade fired first fast.
Head holed, Hot Dog Harry humped.
Fish Cake Flo fainted.
--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk
4307.
SPAM comes in a can,
Ready to serve hot or cold.
WOW! How'd they do that???????????
--Anonymous
4308.
The mystery meat.
Opening a can of SPAM,
I nearly passed out.
--Anonymous
4309.
Old man opens can.
Old woman tosses SPAM can.
Man! They love their SPAM!
--Anonymous
4310.
Its juice like honey
Its flavor so enticing!
SPAM: food of the gods!
--Anonymous
4311.
Old one-handed man,
Cannot open the SPAM can.
Bangs it with hammer.
--Anonymous
4312.
A massive black hole
can even capture light, but
it won't swallow SPAM.
--Scott Lasley, slasley@space.umd.edu
4313.
SPAM is soft and white
It comes in a metal can
It's not really meat
--Edmund, ers@world.std.com
4314.
SPAM is capable,
capable of killing you.
Don't offend the SPAM.
--Anonymous
4315.
SPAM, what is SPAM, huh?
God of SPAM has lots of pork.
It should come with cheese.
--Anonymous
4316.
Why isn't SPAM cheez?
99 bottles of SPAM.
SPAM turns me on, yeah.
--Anonymous
4317.
"Tell me, O wise one,
The big meaning of it all."
"Pink Pork in Blue Can."
--Guy Chaney, GUYSAGE@aol.com
4318.
"Secret of success,
My son, is this: always keep
Extra SPAM key near."
--Guy Chaney, GUYSAGE@aol.com
4319.
"No sweat, Papa-san.
New cans are superior.
Pull tab. Forget key."
--Guy Chaney, GUYSAGE@aol.com
4320.
"As you say, my boy.
Our world is modern now, but
SPAM way is RIGHT ROAD."
--Guy Chaney, GUYSAGE@aol.com
4321.
"Know SPAM's Middle Path:
Fried, baked, cold, with mayonnaise;
Also with onion."
--Guy Chaney, GUYSAGE@aol.com
4322.
"That's deep, Pop, but you
Forgot thin-cut SPAM on bed
Of cool alfalfa."
--Guy Chaney, GUYSAGE@aol.com
4323.
"No, son, different
Religion: That is Yuppie
Yoghurt Yahooism."
--Guy Chaney, GUYSAGE@aol.com
4324.
"You are so smart, Dad.
How did you get yourself that
Way? By hard study?"
--Guy Chaney, GUYSAGE@aol.com
4325.
The ANSWER lies in
The BLUE CAN, my dear offspring.
SPAM is the true key."
--Guy Chaney, GUYSAGE@aol.com
4326.
About the above.
Iambic pentameter
It ain't. Sad Sonnet!!
--Guy Chaney, GUYSAGE@aol.com
4327.
SPAM is for Spiced Ham
What happens for "Spiced Monkey"?
Would it be "Sponkey"?
--Sara T., bobt@cs.com
4328.
Sponkey is a treat
in a can like the great SPAM.
With many spices.
--Sara T., bobt@cs.com
4329.
The SPAM and Sponkey.
Canned the same, but so different.
What to eat for lunch?
--Sara T., bobt@cs.com
4330.
Animal lovers.
Loving your canned Sponkey more.
Spicy monkeys, yum.
--Sara T., bobt@cs.com
4331.
Monkey in a can.
Can I have a chimpanzee.
Or a gorilla.
--Sara T., bobt@cs.com
4332.
SPAM and Sponkey, yum.
To have them in your pantry.
Children love Sponkey.
--Sara T., bobt@cs.com
4333.
Spamwiches with cheese.
Sponkeywiches with cheddar.
What a great delight.
--Sara T., bobt@cs.com
4334.
Time for SPAM to go.
Sponkey dreams will have to wait.
SPAM fills my hunger.
--Sara T., bobt@cs.com
4335.
I open the blue
can hesitantly. My God,
it's full of (pink) stars.
--Scott Lasley, slasley@space.umd.edu
4336.
My pregnant wife aches:
To advance the human race,
all she eats is SPAM.
--TJ
4337.
Ed McMahon sent me
Note: I won one million SPAM.
Get lost, lunch-meat breath!
--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com
4338.
Little Kerri Strug
Did amazing vault despite
Ankle limp as SPAM.
--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com
4339.
The 2004
Minnesota Olympics
Have strange, pink mascot.
--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com
4340.
Hormel sponsors games.
Cute, flatulent tin on legs
is mascot "SPAMmy."
--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com
4341.
SPAMmy carries flame
To light Olympic torch. Bends
Over, thousands seared.
--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com
4342.
SPAM Haiku Archive,
Official SPAMku archive
Of '96 games.
--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com
4343.
Heavenly salty
Sustenance of my lone soul
Breakfast, lunch, dinner
--Tug, Tuggc1@sbdc.sfcpa.edu
4344.
SPAM! and swig o' wine
Need not crab or things bovine
White trash meal divine
--Laura Webb, webb@pangea.stanford.edu
4345.
Waiting on the shelf
A genie in a tin lamp
No wishes to grant
--Rob Gowen, GOWEN@TFN.COM
4346.
O' key upon can
Beseech unto me thy SPAM
In reverent bliss
--Casey Gilbertson, http://coyote.accessnv.com/casey
4347.
Yum yum Spicy Ham.
What is this mystery meat?
I think I've got gas.
--Anna Bowen, ambowen@uswnvg.com
4348.
Porcine obelisk waits
Glisten in the morning sun
SPAM breakfast again
--SPlRlT@aol.com
4349.
New Jackson Pollock
Painting found in Soho loft:
SPAM Spatterings 4.
--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com
4350.
White-Out covers up
Typos, but what can erase
The mistake of SPAM?
--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com
4351.
I watch the thick smoke
Pour from the SPAM plant's smokestack
And think of Auschwitz.
--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com
4352.
"That's us in Tampa,
Eating SPAM at the rest stop!
Okay, next slide, please."
--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com
4353.
My younger brother
Asked me what SPAM was made of.
I let him wonder.
--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com
4354.
You can catch flies with
honey or vinegar but
you catch more with SPAM.
--Scott Lasley, slasley@space.umd.edu
4355.
Four in the morning
Seeking snacks with squinting eyes
SPAM will have to do
--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com
4356.
Inside the pantry,
I search in vain. My girlfriend
Must have eaten it!
--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com
4357.
"Don't play with your food."
"What else can I do with SPAM?
Eat it? Yeah, right, Mom."
--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com
4358.
In the flower bed,
The thick scent of violets
Like cutting through SPAM.
--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com
4359.
I do not eat meat
A strict vegetarian
I eat veg only
--Jeannette Lim (13-years-old), Singapore
4360.
SPAM tastes like she-it
SPAM could be good if it was
Not so old and stuff
--Anonymous
4361.
SPAM is da bomb yeah
You must know what I mean, yeah
It's like almost god
--Anonymous
4362.
Spamku: tribute to
Porcine lips and viscera,
Drowned in sea of goo.
--Steven Hoffman, sandspc@ix.netcom.com
4363.
Pink porcine morsel
Fat and gristle gleaming bright
Plastic nutrition
--Anonymous
4364.
Lard with gelatin
Pink color simulates ham
Thinly veiled deceit
--Anonymous
4365.
All hail spammy food:
Shelf life infinitely long
in stackable can.
--Anonymous
4366.
SPAM endures all things
Nuclear winter, cyclones
Power of plastic
--Anonymous
4367.
Childhood memories
Think of poor starving children
I won't eat that slop
--Anonymous
4368.
Pull the shiny ring
Porcine lips, tails, and assholes
Unveiled before you
--Anonymous
4369.
Hot dog in a can
Would rather have bologna
Barking silenced now
--Anonymous
4370.
SPAM and polenta:
They are oleaginous,
Flaccid, and nasty.
--molly carocci, molly@wi.mit.edu
4371.
This cube on my plate
It is solid as a brick
I will build my house
--Michael Sullivan, michael.sullivan@sybase.com
4372.
SPAM Haiku Archive
Tribute to SPAM unending
Eternally pink
--Roy Olsen, roy@indy.net
4373.
"What rough beast slouches
Towards BethleSPAM to be born?"
Porktentous question!
--Bob McPhee
4374.
The Smashing Pumpkins
are all arrested for the
possession of SPAM.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4375.
SPAM's other secret
ingredient: Angolan
basketball players.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4376.
John Belushi played
the Spamurai Butcher on
Saturday Night Live.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4377.
Budget rent-a-cop
plants SPAM in Olympic park.
What an idiot.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4378.
Julius Caesar
said, "Friends, Romans, countrymen!
Lend me your pigs' ears!"
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4379.
Eating SPAM is like
a prostate exam from the
Lost in Space robot.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4380.
Serving SPAM on planes
makes the passengers wish they
had ejection seats.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4381.
German magazine
says that movie star Tom Cruise
has a low SPAM count.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4382.
Why'd that alien
burst out of John Hurt's stomach?
He'd just eaten SPAM.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4383.
Seems that aliens
cannot abide SPAM at all.
We are not alone.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4384.
Lucy does ad for
Vitaspamavegamin.
"It's so tasty, too!"
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4385.
Communism: It's
SPAM, cabbage, SPAM, potatoes,
tiny apartment.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4386.
Watching NBC's
Olympic coverage made
me wanna hurl SPAM.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4387.
Telemarketers.
How to get rid of them? Say,
"Wait, my SPAM's burning."
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4388.
Telemarketers
figure, "If they're eating SPAM,
they've got no money."
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4389.
Jack D. Ripper thinks
SPAM adds gel to his precious
bodily fluids.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4390.
Served SPAM to my date.
She beat feet and hates me now.
"Well, DUH!" you're saying.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4391.
Served SPAM to my dad.
He wrote me out of his will.
"Well, DUH!" you're saying.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4392.
Served SPAM to my boss.
Now I'm on unemployment.
"Well, DUH!" you're saying.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4393.
"Michael Johnson, just
what makes you run so darn fast?"
"There's SPAM behind me!"
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4394.
Want some real cool stuff?
Call 1-800-LUV-SPAM.
Would I lie to you?
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4395.
Flies love SPAM. A place
To meet, mate, eat, excrete. Sure
Beats a horse's ass.
--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk
4396.
My dog loves SPAM. He
Thinks it's cute, maybe on heat.
Must be the odor.
--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk
4397.
My cat loves SPAM, too.
Reminds him of trash bins, dead
Mice, and Aunt Mabel.
--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk
4398.
Aunt Mabel loves SPAM.
Makes her think of Tom undressed
And pink elephants.
--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk
4399.
Spurn 'sparaging sport.
Spirit's spreading spinnaker;
Splendid, spunky SPAM.
--ray.lambeth@state.or.us
4400.
My God, what a choice:
"Would you like some polenta,
or a side of SPAM?"
--molly carocci, molly@wi.mit.edu